Getting sick of this

[Runningbear]

Well she is at it again. I’ve posted once before about my spouse with undiagnosed BPD. She I a mental health professional that is just about to take her board exam for her mental health certification. She is totally stressed about taking the exam and blaming me for her inability to set herself down and study. Last night it was my fault she couldn’t sleep because I was tossing and turning and I had to get up early further ruining her sleep. Said I was looking at my phone all night which is a total fabrication. It’s all going to be my fault if she fails the test and has to reschedule it now because I wouldn’t let her sleep. Also I’m actively sabotaging her. This all according to her. I called her out on making up stories and lying which was not a good thing but what really bothers me is that in her head she really believes all that when she’s having one of her BPD meltdowns. It’s so hard to just ignore when someone says things that are so out in left field it’s crazy.

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[MidLifCrysis1]

Hi...I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I get it. Stressful situations for the BP seem to expand the already large target on us into huge blinking ones.

My uBPw truly believes "The more I am in need, the less support I get." Words from her mouth over the years - aimed at me, our kids, her siblings, her mother, my mother, etc.

In fact, a couple hours ago I just had this exact morning pleasantry myself:

It’s so hard to just ignore when someone says things that are so out in left field it’s crazy.

Focus on what you CAN control - and that is you. I held out for a while with empathetic listening skills, but STILL fell into JADEing (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0) at the end...it is not easy, but it DOES make a lot of difference when you can pull it off.

[Runningbear]

What gets me to is that she is a mental health practitioner! How are you supposed to help people when you’re  as bat PLEASE READ crazy as them?

[Runningbear]

Focus on what you CAN control - and that is you. I held out for a while with empathetic listening skills, but STILL fell into JADEing (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0) at the end...it is not easy, but it DOES make a lot of difference when you can pull it off.

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Thanks for the advice it’s just so easy to get drawn into JADE. It hurts to have untrue accusations made and even more when she really believes them. I just get so angry and frustrated.

[MidLifCrysis1]

I SO totally get it.

My wife has a BA in Psych and is 1/2 thru a MSW (Master of Social Work) program and work p/t as a social worker now.

I can't count the number of times I have heard her listening to a video lecture and I started to cry bc what the lecturer was saying was textbook stuff that she needed to hear - but I think it is part of the anosognosia insofar as it doesn't seem to make a scratch in her personally. It does totally boggle the mind.

If you haven't yet, check this out - especially the video: https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy