Mothers and happy children..

[Maya L]

Oh that feeling when you see normal mothers with their relaxed children. Just a simple childhood, being able to do what they like, being cared for. Being a real kid and not having to constantly please your mother. At the same time I feel happy for the kids, they are so free. Wow, if they only knew what they have.

I saw a boy that had fallen and was crying because he was hurt, his mom just gave him a big long hug. I wonder how that feels like, this is what I missed, having a mom who saw me and cared for me. Instead of being upset about the nuisance of having to go to the doctor if I got myself hurt.

I think I should give up in trying to explain to my nearest friends what my life has been like. I told one friend some of my story  and at another time when I said that I was again in a bit of contact with my mom my friend just said that my mom must have been in menopause and good it’s better now. (I should have replied that 20-30 years is a long time for menopause. )

A mother’s love is so ingrained in most people that they simply cannot fathom that a mother would not show real love to her kid. And they can’t see all the struggles I have daily - with who I am, ocd, not being able to decide anything, being afraid of doing the wrong thing - because I’m so good at faking normal.

I’m even worried that I’ll write something stupid in this forum and someone will think little of me or throw me out. Maybe I’m being too emotional or giving the wrong advise or whatever. (some of you knows the feeling I’d guess.) (But I know intellectually that it should not happen.)

I’m so thankful for therapy, my husband and loving friends. It does help, but it’s a long way to go, many deeply ingrained feelings and behaviors. Oh, if only I could have had a normal childhood..

[zachira]

It is normal for those of us who had a mother that could not love us to feel the longing for a mother who loved us no matter how old we are. After all, it is the love that we get from our mothers that teaches us to love ourselves and others. You are married, have children, and good friends. Can you tell us more about the relationship with your mother and how you were able to overcome not having the love you needed from your mother to marry, become a mother and have loving friends?

[Turkish]

A mother’s love is so ingrained in most people that they simply cannot fathom that a mother would not show real love to her kid.

As a community, we understand. 

My mom was mostly ok until I hit puberty. My ex and her mother didn't protect our kids and I had to call the cops. In their culture,  Mother=God.

Recently, my S9 said that his mother called him an "effing B___"
I can raise my voice to my kids, but it would never cross my mind to verbally abuse them like that.  I know he is confused by her splitting of him. As a child, I was also confused by my mother... until I ignored whatever she said, good or bad. 

[Maya L]

 Zachira, I meant other kids, I don’t have any of my own.

I did have grownup friends as a teen who spent time with me, good role models. That helped a lot with becoming a social person. My sister don’t really have that so I see a big difference between us, I’m fortunate to have had that, just wish things would have been different with mom, dad and stepparents and that they would not have affected me so much,

My husband is also just the best, such a nice person. My bad experiences with my parents, them breaking up and making bad relationship choices, made me a bit more cautious of my own romantic relationship.

 Turkish, my mom too was mostly ok until puberty, but sometimes mostly ok is not great either when you look at what others have. But I think it’s good to also appreciate the mostly ok times.

I just came back home from therapy, I’m so grateful that it’s helping!