Why is he trying to hurt me?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My boyfriend broke up the relationship and ever since I have been no contact. I have not bothered him at all. Why does it seem that he is trying to hurt me when he is the one that ended things? By hurt I mean sending out a relationship status that he is in another relationship on social media. He is not on any of my friends list and everything is set to private. I don't even look at his stuff. How I even got this notification I don't know.

He broke up with me by text three weeks ago early morning. Then after work called me ( which I never picked the phone up) to make sure I got his text. Then two hours after that he sends a picture calling me a prostitute.

I do not recognize him. This is like another person. I have been just ignoring him but it seems to make things worse. To me, if he's so happy in his new relationship why taunt your ex?

[Coldfish]

My boyfriend broke up the relationship and ever since I have been no contact. I have not bothered him at all. Why does it seem that he is trying to hurt me when he is the one that ended things? By hurt I mean sending out a relationship status that he is in another relationship on social media. He is not on any of my friends list and everything is set to private. I don't even look at his stuff. How I even got this notification I don't know.

He broke up with me by text three weeks ago early morning. Then after work called me ( which I never picked the phone up) to make sure I got his text. Then two hours after that he sends a picture calling me a prostitute.

I do not recognize him. This is like another person. I have been just ignoring him but it seems to make things worse. To me, if he's so happy in his new relationship why taunt your ex?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Coldfish]

I just have a bad feeling this ends bad.

[zachira]

I am sorry that you have been so cruelly treated by your ex boyfriend and of course this hurts you to your very core. When we are hurting like this, it is often does not help us to feel better when others tell us that how he treats you is really how he feels about himself, and how he is treating you really doesn't have much to do with you. Certainly, you are not the first nor the last in a long line of girlfriends he has treated badly. It can sometimes help to just feel your feelings when you are feeling distressed on how he has treated you, and to try not to wonder about why he is acting the way he is. Certainly a heartfelt apology on his part, which is unlikely, would mean a lot. Can you tell us what you would like him to say to you in a truly sincere apology? There are many people on this site who have been terribly hurt by the way an ex has treated them during and after a break-up. Surely you will hear from others who have been in similar situations to yours. Keep us posted on how you are doing, and let us know how we can be the most helpful.

[Coldfish]

Thanks for the response. I have been thinking about what you wrote and you are correct when you say it's about him, not about me. I really do think he is miserable and regrets his decision to leave to go back home. I think his actions toward me reflect his feelings toward his situation. I really don't want an apology. If he has moved on let him move on. I just feel like these acts are directed towards me and they just keep things going.

[zachira]

I think you are right that his actions are keeping things going. How do you think you can totally break ties with him so he will be unable to contact you, you will not hear about what is doing, and the healing/forgetting about him can begin without worrying about what mean act he is going to do next?

[Coldfish]

I had decided to take down my social media ECT, but you know what I have come to the conclusion that I am not changing my life for someone else. I love him,I do, but I love myself too. He needs help. He needs professional help that I can't provide. I can provide him love, but I cant give him professional help. I have learned  that all this is the result of his condition. Maybe not 100 percent but he has a Serious medical condition. I have also came to the conclusion that I can't allow him to run through my life taking me through unnecessary things. We both know chaos will happen because he obviously isn't on the right treatment plan or taking the meds / therapy. I mean pills don't work if you dont take them. He takes some but not all.

He will only be allowed back in my life when he is ready for a change in his. It sounds harsh but I have worked too hard and obtained too much to allow someone to just run all over it. This includes my mental health as well. This is not something that is going to go away. This is a back and forth pendulum that will swing it's only a matter of when and how wide. If he doesn't love himself enough to want to live the best life possible then he can never love me the way I want.

I know eventually he will say something to me so I have been really thinking about things and I want to have a clear mind on what I need to do. I owe him nothing. He is not my husband.

So whatever he does, if I happen to see it, then I will ignore and continue to live my life. When he gets tired he knows how to contact me. I did tell him a few weeks ago that I didn't hate him and if his days ever got really dark I would be here for him.

One last thing. The word "Serious". I know what it means but it just never really sunk in. I read all over about BPD being a serious mental illness. I think I finally have a clear understanding of what makes it so serious.

[Steps31]

From what it sounds like, I don't think he is happy, but there's nothing you did or can do about that. It's up to him to become a more whole person...

[itsmeSnap]

Cutting contact or waiting for him to change is a very personal choice, so it's good that you're trying to figure this out without letting him drag you along (as in, not making choices based just on his shenanigans, like deleting your social media account)

Hope you don't mind the question, What happened on the days leading up to the breakup? May be a clue there as to why he's acting like that

[Coldfish]

Leading up to the breakup...

He asked me for a picture to show his mom where I was not posing. Now he was referencing my Facebook. When he asked me for a pic I was lying on my couch watching tv. He did get a little frustrated I was taking so long to get a picture, like an instant picture, but it was his mom's first impression and I was like lounging in the couch at my home. I told him let me at least pull my hair up or something. He seemed ok with that.

I sent him some pics and he didn't like them. He would say things like, " I hate when you pic like that." He likes for me to smile. I even sent a picture of me in my work uniform. He said to not send him pics I sent another man. I told him I took these pics for him and had sent him them earlier like weeks ago. He said he never got them then he said he was kidding.

This man had me on GPS from day one of me meeting him. He will ride by my home multiple times. He likes me there with him at his home, around him. I knew when he left to go back home he would struggle. I told him I couldn't leave with him, but I was planning to move up there. All I needed wss a year. He just got so jealous. I wasnt even doing anything.

That's why I took down my Facebook. My pics trigger him for some reason. He called me a prostitute. He had never spoken or called me names before.

He's jealous but he's the one that left. I knew he had to for family reasons but it just sucks. He's been trying to hurt me ever since. It's almost like he's punishing me for not being there.

He sent me that " in a relationship " status on facebook. Just wow.