Son was born and now we're getting divorced

[Depression = 72% of members]

My wife and I met in college through mutual friends during our undergrad.

I was immediately infatuated with her, and she saw that I was a sweet, caring person. We hit it off, and after dating for 4 years (3 years in school), got engaged for 2 years, and have been married for 3 years. Now we have a 2 year old daughter and less than 2 months ago, our son was born.

Within the past year, we relocated for her job, she started pursuing her MBA, our son was born (about 6 weeks ago), my company went through a reorg and is getting sold, and I’ve been traveling a lot for work (flying out 2-3 times per month). My in-laws were in town for 3 weeks straight as soon as my son was about to be born. They have controlling personalities and constantly overstep boundaries, which my wife doesn’t agree with me on, but she makes me enforce against my parents. Still, I thought we were happy and I loved our life/family together.

After 2 weeks with our new-born son, my mother-in-law and father-in-law were scheduled to head home, and my sister-in-law was supposed to arrive the next day. But on the night prior, my wife and I had an argument about trivial topics in the grand scheme of things (my letting our daughter walk around eating her waffle, her parents overstepping appropriate boundaries, and our doing too much at one time). During the argument, she called me an alcoholic a**hole, told me she wanted a divorce, took the kids into the bathroom and locked the door, and told me to leave. I had had one glass of wine at dinner, and was drinking 1-2 drinks per day when her family was in town (partially because her mom would drink with me and partially to deal with their presence and the added stress of a new baby and our daughter in her terrible 2’s). But I never overdid it, and I never got drunk nor have I ever had a substance abuse problem.

So, I left the house to honor her wishes, and ended up spending the night at a hotel. When I tried to come home the next day, she and her sister locked me out and called the cops on me. I was completely sober, and the cops ended up talking to me and said that they had no reason to keep me from entering, but they said it might go a long way for our marriage if I spent a night in a hotel. I explained that I already did, but that I would cooperate if that’s what they wanted.

My wife and I ended up meeting at a restaurant the next morning to talk. We didn’t see eye to eye on everything, but we made some progress and planned to arrange marriage counseling. I had 2 upcoming work trips, but we were going to arrange counseling for when I got back. She also kept hammering on the alcoholism and told me that I needed to go to AA. I explained that I don’t have a drinking problem, but I can and would quit cold turkey if she didn’t want me drinking around our kids.

So, I removed all the alcohol from the house, and the next few days were tense (especially with her sister around), but I thought things were getting better, until I left on Father’s day to go to Phoenix for work. Later that day, she texted me and told me that she was leaving with her sister and the kids for a family road trip back east to stay with her family.

When I returned from my work travel, she had me served with divorce papers. I was shocked, upset, and utterly confused, but throughout the whole process, she wouldn’t ever call me back/talk to me.

Two weeks prior to all of this arguing and getting served with divorce papers, my wife gave me her card for our 3rd anniversary, where she confessed her undying love for me and said that everyday she falls more in love with me when she sees what a good father I am to our daughter (and now new son) and that she couldn’t wait to spend many more anniversaries with me.

I’ve gotten an attorney and a therapist to help protect me and to help keep me healthy (mentally, physically, and spiritually). But more than anything, I want my family back. If my wife doesn’t love me anymore, which I have a hard time believing since the my son’s birth was the happiest day of my life (with my daughter’s birth being extremely close), I won’t force her to be married to me. But with all the recent stress and her likely postpartum issues (on top of what are likely other personality disorders), I feel extremely hopeless when she won’t talk to me and only lets me see the kids when I ask every few days.

My parents/brothers came to Nashville for what was supposed to be our son’s baptism, but she canceled it. I ended up going back North for a few weeks to be with my parents/friends, which helped somewhat.

Now, my wife won’t even talk to me, and whenever I try to text or communicate, she only responds briefly and bluntly when I ask about the kids. I haven’t seen or held them in nearly a month now. My attorney is working feverishly to get them back to our home in Nashville, but all the waiting and loneliness really hurts right now.

My wife is on maternity leave and she says that she won't be back to Nashville until the end of September.

People have said that if given time, things may get better, but her family has always been against me, even though I've only ever loved and supported my wife and tried to make her happy.

I appreciate any and all advice, guidance, comments, and/or prayers.

[Nashville76]

My wife and I met in college through mutual friends during our undergrad.

I was immediately infatuated with her, and she saw that I was a sweet, caring person. We hit it off, and after dating for 4 years (3 years in school), got engaged for 2 years, and have been married for 3 years. Now we have a 2 year old daughter and less than 2 months ago, our son was born.

Within the past year, we relocated for her job, she started pursuing her MBA, our son was born (about 6 weeks ago), my company went through a reorg and is getting sold, and I’ve been traveling a lot for work (flying out 2-3 times per month). My in-laws were in town for 3 weeks straight as soon as my son was about to be born. They have controlling personalities and constantly overstep boundaries, which my wife doesn’t agree with me on, but she makes me enforce against my parents. Still, I thought we were happy and I loved our life/family together.

After 2 weeks with our new-born son, my mother-in-law and father-in-law were scheduled to head home, and my sister-in-law was supposed to arrive the next day. But on the night prior, my wife and I had an argument about trivial topics in the grand scheme of things (my letting our daughter walk around eating her waffle, her parents overstepping appropriate boundaries, and our doing too much at one time). During the argument, she called me an alcoholic a**hole, told me she wanted a divorce, took the kids into the bathroom and locked the door, and told me to leave. I had had one glass of wine at dinner, and was drinking 1-2 drinks per day when her family was in town (partially because her mom would drink with me and partially to deal with their presence and the added stress of a new baby and our daughter in her terrible 2’s). But I never overdid it, and I never got drunk nor have I ever had a substance abuse problem.

So, I left the house to honor her wishes, and ended up spending the night at a hotel. When I tried to come home the next day, she and her sister locked me out and called the cops on me. I was completely sober, and the cops ended up talking to me and said that they had no reason to keep me from entering, but they said it might go a long way for our marriage if I spent a night in a hotel. I explained that I already did, but that I would cooperate if that’s what they wanted.

My wife and I ended up meeting at a restaurant the next morning to talk. We didn’t see eye to eye on everything, but we made some progress and planned to arrange marriage counseling. I had 2 upcoming work trips, but we were going to arrange counseling for when I got back. She also kept hammering on the alcoholism and told me that I needed to go to AA. I explained that I don’t have a drinking problem, but I can and would quit cold turkey if she didn’t want me drinking around our kids.

So, I removed all the alcohol from the house, and the next few days were tense (especially with her sister around), but I thought things were getting better, until I left on Father’s day to go to Phoenix for work. Later that day, she texted me and told me that she was leaving with her sister and the kids for a family road trip back east to stay with her family.

When I returned from my work travel, she had me served with divorce papers. I was shocked, upset, and utterly confused, but throughout the whole process, she wouldn’t ever call me back/talk to me.

Two weeks prior to all of this arguing and getting served with divorce papers, my wife gave me her card for our 3rd anniversary, where she confessed her undying love for me and said that everyday she falls more in love with me when she sees what a good father I am to our daughter (and now new son) and that she couldn’t wait to spend many more anniversaries with me.

I’ve gotten an attorney and a therapist to help protect me and to help keep me healthy (mentally, physically, and spiritually). But more than anything, I want my family back. If my wife doesn’t love me anymore, which I have a hard time believing since the my son’s birth was the happiest day of my life (with my daughter’s birth being extremely close), I won’t force her to be married to me. But with all the recent stress and her likely postpartum issues (on top of what are likely other personality disorders), I feel extremely hopeless when she won’t talk to me and only lets me see the kids when I ask every few days.

My parents/brothers came to Nashville for what was supposed to be our son’s baptism, but she canceled it. I ended up going back North for a few weeks to be with my parents/friends, which helped somewhat.

Now, my wife won’t even talk to me, and whenever I try to text or communicate, she only responds briefly and bluntly when I ask about the kids. I haven’t seen or held them in nearly a month now. My attorney is working feverishly to get them back to our home in Nashville, but all the waiting and loneliness really hurts right now.

My wife is on maternity leave and she says that she won't be back to Nashville until the end of September.

People have said that if given time, things may get better, but her family has always been against me, even though I've only ever loved and supported my wife and tried to make her happy.

I appreciate any and all advice, guidance, comments, and/or prayers.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[LoneRanger307]

This is a heartbreaking situation. It must be very difficult to be separated from your young children. I'm glad to hear you have a lawyer and MH support for yourself. The logistics of these situations with young kids are so hard.

Has your wife been diagnosed with BPD, or do you suspect it?