Hi Nbpw34:Welcome!I told him I just wanted comfort and support and he couldn’t treat me kindly I would not speak to him until he could be kind. Paragraph header (click to insert in post) I know it wasn’t a perfect limit but it’s a start. We are not speaking now.
Everyone came here to learn how to interact better with a disordered partner. They generally learn that they have to change some of their own actions and improve their strategy to make thing better for themselves. We all can learn about better communication and become more emotionally intelligent.
"The Silent Treatment" is something most often practiced by the disordered individual in the relationship. It's not a productive tactic.
Unfortunately, if your husband hasn't been someone to offer comfort and compassion, he isn't likely to suddenly become a warm and fuzzy person. If you don't want him to use "The Silent Treatment" on you, don't use it on him.
A better approach would be to use an "I" statement, and then proceed with giving yourself some TLC for the day and letting him know you are out of service for the day. Maybe call a friend or relative for some compassion.
"I'"STATEMENTS:"I" Statement can be a tool for you to use. Avoid using "You" Statements and focus on either "I" Statements or "We" Statements The 19-minute video at the link below, is a helpful tutorial for using "I" Statements:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDExNRJCUp0The template and sample below could be helpful as well.
Start by identifying how you feel: mad, sad, etc.
I feel __________
State the reason for your feelings (what happened)
when __________
Try to identify the reason the person’s actions led to those feelings for you.
(identify)__________
Let the person know what you want instead.
I would like __________ .
I feel __________when __________Because_____I would like __________ .
Sample: I feel Angry when I want comfort & support and don't get it, because a little TLC makes me feel better. I would like to get a hug or have you snuggle with me for awhile.