As some of you know, I am the target of an emotional black mail cam paign from my uBPD H.
We have been married for more than 20 years, and he is emotionally enmeshed/covertly incested with his children from his former marriage to a uNPD XW. It is very unhealthy as his adult children themselves emotionally blackmail H.
The last two days have been nothing short of H*ll for me. For a short while (H was on medication), H was doing well, but he started really dysregulating over the last few days.
He said he felt like there was nothing more between us. (This may be true. H's emotional abuse of me over time took its toll) and felt like I did not love him any more. He is upset at my depression (over a number of things, including his BPD.) He says we are no longer working toward common goals. (This also may be true, as I have nothing to look forward to in a life with a hostile and angry uBPD H.)
I first noticed just how violent H's dysregulations were starting about 10 years ago when we were on vacation. Something triggered H, and he got in my face and hollered at me inches from my face. He was in full rage. I had never experienced rage like that except from a uBPD parent as a child when I was hollered at, slapped and sent to my bedroom to contemplate my "misdeeds." I knew something dreadful was wrong with H, and I wondered why I was so miserable being in such a lovely place among the lakes and the trees. I did not know what BPD was.
Over the weekend, H has become more and more coercive and hostile. He is now making blackmeal threats to divorce me if I don't comply, namely getting over my depression and managing my business affairs so he can retire. He is sleeping on the couch now and says he won't come back into our bed for an indefinite period of time, presumably when he sees enough progress in me to do so. He made a big show of putting locks on the door of his den, which I always had access to (if only to use the pencil sharpener and grab a paper clip.) Exasperated, I slammed my hand onto his desk, frustrated and begging him to talk things over. He grabbed my wrist, put his face close to mine and screamed, "Don't you every do that to me again!" I pulled my hand away. He had never before made physical his anger at me. He had screamed in my face number times, so close I felt the spittle of his rage. No physical contact until today.
I have not felt like crying since our national park vacation over 10 years ago when H raged at me, but I do now. I feel so utterly hopeless and would almost welcome a divorce as the pain will be over and H will no longer be in my life. It would be a clean break. I tell myself I have to be strong. I know H is out of his mind with a mental illness and has no clue what is going on. (He dissociated when slamming pots in the kitchen, later asking how they got dented.) I know his sick and twisted FOO.
We are both 60. I don't want to be in my 80s and have him black mail me like this when I am old and infirm. (This likely happened to his M from his uNPD F, who, even in my presence, made sarcastic comments about his own W in front of her under the pretense of joking around. It was extremely uncomfortable to watch. His W just smiled as though her H was doting on her. It was creepy.)
I need to retake the MOSAIC inventory and rethink my R/S.
