BPD: A look inside Hot/Crazy

[Depression = 72% of members]

A lot of doubters say "studies show BPD is only 4% of the population" and exes are just saying this to blame the failed relationship on the other person. But I think a lot goes undiagnosed and BPD's GET AROUND (effecting 10x more guys than a normal girl).

I don't think people realize how many guys these girls lead on simultaneously. I snooped a hot cluster B's phone and she was texting 10+ different guys that night (all flirting and all looking to hookup). Imagine a really hot girl that is extremely extroverted, going out of her way to meet new guys every day...the numbers of guys she meets are unimaginable. I am talking about flirting with and getting the phone number from: the cute guy at coffee shop, flirting with valet car parker, flirting with teacher, flirting with student, asking random guy at the library to dinner, etc. etc. Getting phone numbers from 5+ news guys a day that all want to date them.

I think much of this is an ego stroke to have dozens of guys chasing them. I seriously think the hot girls I know have over 100 guys actively chasing them and this is verified by how many likes they get on Instagram from orbiters. They have bragged and shown me how many date invites they have (10-20 a week) and they casually turn down floor NBA seats, trips on private jets, etc. But I also think some girls with mental issues are sleeping with countless guys and then discarding them for the newest toy. Maybe this makes them feel validated for a short time. By contrast, the "normal" girls I know aren't leading on any orbiters, only text with a 1-2 guys they are truly interested in, rarely give out their number, talk to strangers at bars, etc.

Do you have any experience looking into the secret dating life of hot/crazy?

Every "BPD ex story" has a the guy catching her texting/meeting other men but... "he's just a friend"
 
Do you think BPD ex is more common because they are dating so many more guys than normal girls?

In a big city, if a sexy/single/outgoing BPD has 3 boyfriends a year and a ONS once a month, by age 30 they have 40 ex boyfriends and 184 sexual partners. The 30 year old hot/crazy I know are close to this having 2-3 boyfriend a year and from what I can glean roughly 100 past partners.

Whereas a non-crazy might have 1/10 of those numbers by age 30 (4 boyfriends and 18 sexual partners).

This means people are highly likely to date a BPD. They are often sexy and very outgoing. I am curious what you have seen with your BPD ex and how many guys they were juggling, etc.

[Curious12]

A lot of doubters say "studies show BPD is only 4% of the population" and exes are just saying this to blame the failed relationship on the other person. But I think a lot goes undiagnosed and BPD's GET AROUND (effecting 10x more guys than a normal girl).

I don't think people realize how many guys these girls lead on simultaneously. I snooped a hot cluster B's phone and she was texting 10+ different guys that night (all flirting and all looking to hookup). Imagine a really hot girl that is extremely extroverted, going out of her way to meet new guys every day...the numbers of guys she meets are unimaginable. I am talking about flirting with and getting the phone number from: the cute guy at coffee shop, flirting with valet car parker, flirting with teacher, flirting with student, asking random guy at the library to dinner, etc. etc. Getting phone numbers from 5+ news guys a day that all want to date them.

I think much of this is an ego stroke to have dozens of guys chasing them. I seriously think the hot girls I know have over 100 guys actively chasing them and this is verified by how many likes they get on Instagram from orbiters. They have bragged and shown me how many date invites they have (10-20 a week) and they casually turn down floor NBA seats, trips on private jets, etc. But I also think some girls with mental issues are sleeping with countless guys and then discarding them for the newest toy. Maybe this makes them feel validated for a short time. By contrast, the "normal" girls I know aren't leading on any orbiters, only text with a 1-2 guys they are truly interested in, rarely give out their number, talk to strangers at bars, etc.

Do you have any experience looking into the secret dating life of hot/crazy?

Every "BPD ex story" has a the guy catching her texting/meeting other men but... "he's just a friend"
 
Do you think BPD ex is more common because they are dating so many more guys than normal girls?

In a big city, if a sexy/single/outgoing BPD has 3 boyfriends a year and a ONS once a month, by age 30 they have 40 ex boyfriends and 184 sexual partners. The 30 year old hot/crazy I know are close to this having 2-3 boyfriend a year and from what I can glean roughly 100 past partners.

Whereas a non-crazy might have 1/10 of those numbers by age 30 (4 boyfriends and 18 sexual partners).

This means people are highly likely to date a BPD. They are often sexy and very outgoing. I am curious what you have seen with your BPD ex and how many guys they were juggling, etc.

[clvrnn]

There's a lot of PUA talk here, which can be dangerous. There are many men with BPD, too. Using the word 'crazy' to describe someone who is mentally ill/disordered isn't good, even they have hurt you.

I don't think women actually operate in the way you're describing, to be honest. Some women with BPD do, yes. A lot of others refrain from relationships completely, due to the symptoms that intimacy brings out in them/their behaviour.

[Curious12]

I had to lookup PUA. Never heard of that before. I think "hot/crazy" is just widely accepted term.

I tried to edit to remove "hot/crazy" but it appears modify option removes very quickly and no longer available.

No ill will intended. There are much worse things said on here.

I'm obviously not saying everyone operates this way, but I know that some do.

[once removed]

what happened in your relationship, Curious12?

what did you experience? you havent shared much here.

[Starfire]

It gives me pause to see so many generalizations thrown together. It can be helpful to generalize, but when that's all we do it can also be harmful.

"A lot of doubters say..."  Who are these doubters and how many is a lot?  Where are they making these claims?  What might their motivations be?

"Every BPD ex story..." Have you polled every person who has a BPD ex?  There are enough folks here who have male BPD exes to make your claim false right off the bat.  What have you learned from your own story?

"This means people are highly likely to date a BPD..." Are they really?  You have a hypothesis, but have you tested it?  What can you learn about yourself from the results of those tests?  My guess is that people who have BPD in their families of origin are more likely to date a pwBPD than those who do not have it in their families of origin.  There's definitely something to be learned from that hypothesis.

My male BPD ex would never dream of approaching a stranger.  He was mortified by the prospect of rejection.  His self-esteem was far too low for the kind of pick up artistry you describe.

[Curious12]

"A lot of doubters say..."  Who are these doubters and how many is a lot?  Where are they making these claims?  What might their motivations be?

Your sarcastic tone and questions aren't productive.
A lot is more than 10.
Obviously, on the internet there is no way to know who they are
Obviously I read it on here.
I see people on here saying oh that person isn't diagnosed so it can't be BPD.
Obviously, their motivation is to claim it is not that prevalent, etc.

"Every BPD ex story..." Have you polled every person who has a BPD ex?  There are enough folks here who have male BPD exes to make your claim false right off the bat.  What have you learned from your own story?

Again, obviously I haven't polled every person in the world. But the majority of "BPD ex" stories have the "he's just a friend."

"This means people are highly likely to date a BPD..." Are they really?  You have a hypothesis, but have you tested it?

The whole reason I am here is learn more and "test my hypothesis."

If you can't contribute anything and just ask useless rhetorical questions, please don't reply. It sounds like you are in a different generation than me and you stated you dated a low self esteem, financially struggling man that probably has little in common with young hot/crazy girls I am curious about.  I was hoping to  learn from others how mnay guys their exes were in contact with.
Thank you

[Skip]

The conventional number for BPD prevalence in the USA is 6.9% in a year. It is not based on how many people were diagnosed, it is based on a study of 35,000 random people. It recognizes that people with clinical symptoms do make progress and fall off the lists as new one become more severe and are added to the list.

Our surveys say the majority of the partners here would not qualify for a diagnosis, but those relationships are no less seriously troubled. So if you defined a category of "BPD-ish", that number would be higher. Maybe 10% or 12%.  Again, recognizing, of course, that BPD-ish is more likely to be phases in a life, not an entire adulthood for everyone.

The 3.7% that you are talking about, the most serious cases of BPD, are not by any means "a group of Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders and Chippendale Dancers" jet setting around the country. This is a group of people struggling with life in any numbers of ways - holding jobs, severe depression, hospitalization/ jail, addictions, other medical issues, eating disorders, self harm, etc.  75% have another mental illness.

Do you think "BPD exs" is more common [than "BPD"] because they are dating so many more guys than normal girls?

Well, lets look at some parallels. Are there more "MC1R mutant -exs" than "MC1R - mutants"?

MC1R - mutants are the 2% of the population with red hair.  If you add in "dyed hair" the number is even higher.

The answer would be yes, unless they all dated only other true red heads. Of course people who are attracted to red hair have often dated multiple people with red hair, so its not linear.

The same would be true for BPD.

In a big city, if a sexy/single/outgoing BPD has 3 boyfriends a year and a ONS once a month, by age 30 they have 40 ex boyfriends and 184 sexual partners.

Whereas a non-crazy might have 1/10 of those numbers by age 30 (4 boyfriends and 18 sexual partners).

Do you know someone who, starting at the age of 15, had 4 serious boy friends a year for 15 straight years (90 day relationships) and even with all those honeymoon periods, found time to have a one night stand every month for 180 consecutive months?  And you want to apply this frequency to 10% of the US population?

Mathematically, this is impossible. It would mean that every living adult by the age of 35 dated 3.5 - 5.0 people with BPD and had a one night stand with an additional 16-20 people with BPD.

There are studies on the sexuality of people with BPD and it is somewhat higher than the control sample, by nothing like this. A 1994 study in the United States, which looked at the number of sexual partners in a lifetime, found 20% of heterosexual men had one partner, 55% had two to 20 partners, and 25% had more than 20 partners.

[Curious12]

This is very helpful. thank you

Are you saying the study of 35,000 people didn't ask "are you diagnosed" but rather asked many questions to determine diagnosis such as "do you fear being abandoned"? If so, this was a good study to catch undiagnosed IMO.

I think your 10-12% is realistic in society today from my experience and talking/reading others experiences.

Thank you

[Skip]

I was hoping to  learn from others how mnay guys their exes were in contact with.
Thank you

In 4 years with my ex, she had 1 ONS (not sure it was a ONS, but it was in that direction) and she went out with another guy a few times when we were broken up prior to getting back together (I don't think this was an intimate relationship).

A lot of guys flirted with her. She was very outgoing and was always noticed when she walked into a room.

[I Am Redeemed]

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[Curious12]

Do you know someone who, starting at the age of 15, had 4 serious boy friends a year for 15 straight years (90 day relationships) and even with all those honeymoon periods, found time to have a one night stand every month for 180 consecutive months?  And you want to apply this frequency to 10% of the US population?

Mathematically, this is impossible. It would mean that every living adult by the age of 35 dated 3.5 - 5.0 people with BPD and had a one night stand with an additional 16-20 people with BPD.

I do know girls like this. You added the "serious" to boyfriend which makes it harder to believe. But for a very attractive girl, it is not uncommon to have a boyfriend Fall semester, a boyfriend Spring semester, and then meet a different boyfriend over summer and often at home for Winter break. Boyfriend meaning you are exclusive, talk daily, etc. And sadly, yes plenty of drunken hookups in between and lots of cheating. This is the hookup culture, Greek party life, single in the big city, clubs, tinder, bumble, etc. I realize it is hard to believe, but if you watch an episode of the bachelorette and she has sex with 2-3 different contestants in a month and kisses 10+, you can only imagine what she does when her family/friends aren't watching on national TV.

To clarify, I am not suggesting applying this to all borderlines (the 10% of population) but rather the very attractive ones that have endless options.

Also, you would be surprised how many "Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders" have mental issues. It's not just for homeless addicts. I would be interested to see how many professional models have issues or really just how many very attractive people have issues. This is almost impossible to study because beauty is subjective but I think everyone know hot/crazy matrix. If not google it.

Mathematically, this is impossible. It would mean that every living adult by the age of 35 dated 3.5 - 5.0 people with BPD and had a one night stand with an additional 16-20 people with BPD.

This is exactly what I am getting at. I think if you date a lot, then by age 35 you have dated several. Heck you already have a 1 in 10 chance your first date is with one.

[Skip]

OK, I see. I looked at the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbpGkrViOcE

Curious12, if you try to have meaningful relationships, you have to have a mature understanding of people, relationships, and life. It's a lot to ask of a young man (it was certainly over my head when I was in college) and it's unfortunate that no one ever clues us in.

Seems unbelievable, doesn't it, that we all need to understand human nature to live a solid life, and no where is it taught in school or in church. It's something our parents often don't teach us. If we are lucky, maybe we stumble into an older mentor somewhere along the line and he takes us in.

I will say this. If you look for a life partner using a Crazy/Hot scale, you will have a very difficult life. It is certainly true, that as men, we see physical attractiveness as an important attribute, but every man I know who was obsessed about looks ended up with a very troubled and chaotic life.

Years ago, adults built families based on network television's model of the ideal family. Today, people build lives based on a lot of Internet lore. Sociologist's and psychologists will tell you that this has not served us well.

FWIW, my ex was a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. I have a pretty good sense of that vocation and it is not at all what you describe. I also have some experience with higher end strippers via a property that was managed by my company, and some of those girls lived a colorful life for sure... but that a very small segment of society. I remember two women from that world that played it pretty straight, saved the money, and made a life for themselves. One funded college. The other bought and operated a fitness club. Neither lived a life of excesses.

Be careful with what you read.

[Skip]

Heck you already have a 1 in 10 chance your first date is with one.

That would only be true if you selected your dates at random.  The minute you apply criteria to who you date, the odds change significantly.

[Curious12]

I will say this. If you look for a life partner using a Crazy/Hot scale, you will have a very difficult life. It is certainly true, that as men, we see physical attractiveness as an important attribute, but every man I know who was obsessed about looks ended up with a very troubled and chaotic life.

FWIW, my ex was a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.

Good advice on not valuing looks too much.
And she was BPD, right?

Thank you