Not sure whether to stay or go

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've been in a relationship with someone for about a year that I suspect has BPD however, we haven't discussed it so I can't be sure.  He sees things in black and white and thinks that because I say I would rather not be friends with someone (my ex for example), then I hate them.  I don't hate them or anyone but that is one example.  We argue constantly and I'm just not sure if I should stay in this relationship or get out before more time passes.  Sometimes I love him and sometimes he aggravates me to no end.   

[JoJo7747]

I've been in a relationship with someone for about a year that I suspect has BPD however, we haven't discussed it so I can't be sure.  He sees things in black and white and thinks that because I say I would rather not be friends with someone (my ex for example), then I hate them.  I don't hate them or anyone but that is one example.  We argue constantly and I'm just not sure if I should stay in this relationship or get out before more time passes.  Sometimes I love him and sometimes he aggravates me to no end.   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Birddog]

This isn’t a stay or leave board, but might recommend a title called “Whole Again”,  kind of covers the gambit on inner self, not exclusively focused on borderline.

I think Personality Disorders are more complex than just the label. The theme seems to be inner wounds and poor coping skills to deal with those wounds. I’ve tried to fix my spouse of 21 years without success, but have found In turn I have core wounds of my own that need some work.

She is STPD and I still expect nothing in return, and try to love her and myself unconditionally.

Normal relationships you will have your arguments as well,  emotional abuse is not fun. If stick with the relationship, seriously recommend couples counseling, can vet some of these issues before a lifetime commitment..

[Radcliff]

Let me join Birddog in welcoming you!  You've found a great place to learn about BPD and about coping skills to reduce conflict in relationships.  BPD has a number of characteristic traits.  Black and white thinking is a common trait.  Not everyone with BPD has the same traits, and many folks express BPD traits, but not enough of them or strongly enough for an official diagnosis.  The success or failure of a BPD relationship is not pre-determined -- each case is different, and depends on the strength of the BPD traits and on the two people involved.  We recommend that new members take some time to learn and practice the coping tools taught here before making any decisions about their relationship.  The first priority is to reduce the conflict level.  Can you tell us some detail about a recent conflict you've had?

RC  

p.s. We recommend that our members not discuss BPD with their partners.  The result is almost always bad, with the partner becoming defensive, denying the label, and feeling judged.