Talking to my good work friend about how I hate being in the dark, in limbo.

[gadget]

I have a very good work friend I talk to most work days about my BPD wife leaving me.  I like many of you have my good days and bad days.  After almost 4 months without my wife I’m getting better at handling the day to day.

I was telling him how much I hate being in the dark, In limbo, because my wife never tells me how she’s doing, if therapy is working, if there still is a chance for us.  My friend said:

“Her healing has nothing to do with you being in Limbo... you are in limbo cause you choose to wait on her decisions, which you know may take a very long time.  it is your choice you are in limbo.
You do not have to be in limbo... you can move forward in your own life and your own growth... it just will be separate from her.  and that does not mean it will be forever separate, even though it could be forever... you need to stop waiting for her, and you need to start growing, without her.

The limbo of waiting for her to heal and decide to come back, you have to make that a small part of your life, instead of the single most important part.  and, regarding being in the dark about it, you have to accept that is where you will be until she decides to shine the light on it for you, IF she ever decides to do that for you, which she may not.  which is all the more reason you have to make waiting on her a minor part of your growth”

Sounds much like the advice I get from you all

Still doesn’t make it any easier.  But helps to see it this way.

Gadget

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[Witz_End]

That sounds like excellent advice, but no... I am sure it's much easier said than done.  I've been in similar situations, but different in some aspects and it's really not easy.  On the surface and in the logical mind, maybe.  There's much more to things than logic, though, right?

[Stillhopeful4]

Hi Gadget,

That sounds like some great advise! Don't stay in limbo.  You do you!  That doesn't mean you have to go out and date.  Just do some things you enjoy, go for a hike, maybe take a yoga class, go sit by the ocean or a lake and just take in the beautiful sounds and smells.  Yes it's hard because you want to do those things with your W, but right now she's not ready for that.  Take care of yourself, don't feel guilty about having a few moments of feeling good.  I know this is easier said than done, but if you start small and see that it makes you feel good...keep going!

((Hugs)

SH4

[gadget]

Thanks Witz and SH4!

Actually I'm going to a Yoga class tonight! 

I'm so lucky to have great friends at work, home, here on this forum that understand and provide me with different insight than my own that helps Tremendously.

I do also have therapy tomorrow.  The therapist says my wife has Compassionate Caregiver Overload and she suggested I read "Trauma Therapy" which I did.  I want to ask her what is usually the treatment for CCO?  Is it CBT or DBT or something different?  Hopefully she will answer me so I can gain a better understanding of my wife and our situations.

Hugs to you all!   

Gadget

[Stillhopeful4]

Actually I'm going to a Yoga class tonight! 

Woot-Woot!   Yay for you!  back at ya!

[Birddog]

Took daughter camping this weekend for her birthday, other daughter went for sleepover, none of us were willing to sit in limbo we got SOs blessing. we haven’t closed the door, just going about our lives. Too many times got stuck and lost the opportunities, used to feel guilt, think both of us are starting to realize the good out of these sanity breaks.

[gadget]

Thanks SH4!

Birddog - Sounds like an awesome thing to do.  Just get on with my life.  I'm doing better at that all the time.  There will still be sad moments sometimes.  But I will fill up ALL my time with the better moments.



Gadget