This last time I told my self this is it No more

[Venicebeach]

Mod note: This post was split from the following thread as it merited its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339392.0

okay guys...I am totally new to the forum and was just reading your post on this topic. Its incredible how I can totally relate to everything that you have said. I just broke up with my Ex BPD about 2.5 months ago with no contact since. i am struggling tho! I went through 7 recycles tho. The first 3 were me running back to her (like  a duffs) the last 4 I was already like done...but she kept running back to me and chasing me (naturally I caved in). But this last time I told my self this is it! No more! Heart just couldn't take it any more. Its so true that when you look at the BPD triggers they all circle around the need for attention and fear of abandonment! Its crazy how hard it is. It hurts so much! Mine may be because she new I was going to propose (she had already picked out setting) and i had planned a trip to tally for us and was going to get us a house. But i think i dodged a major bullet though now knowing who she really was! Hang in there tho!

[pest947]

okay guys...I am totally new to the forum and was just reading your post on this topic. Its incredible how I can totally relate to everything that you have said. I just broke up with my Ex BPD about 2.5 months ago with no contact since. i am struggling tho! I went through 7 recycles tho. The first 3 were me running back to her (like  a duffs) the last 4 I was already like done...but she kept running back to me and chasing me (naturally I caved in). But this last time I told my self this is it! No more! Heart just couldn't take it any more. Its so true that when you look at the BPD triggers they all circle around the need for attention and fear of abandonment! Its crazy how hard it is. It hurts so much! Mine may be because she new I was going to propose (she had already picked out setting) and i had planned a trip to tally for us and was going to get us a house. But i think i dodged a major bullet though now knowing who she really was! Hang in there tho!

Were here for you! It is refreshing to hear and relate to these  F*cked up stories that only those of us that have been through the pwBPD cycle can relate to. I still do love mine as well, its been NC for about 1 1/2 months and I'm not breaking it nor have I any of the other times. It's always been her. My own attachment issues and believing in the good of all people had kept me in the cycle far longer than I should have. I'm living life and going with the flow and starting to explore new opportunities and just see where it all goes. That's all any of us can do, but sharing "The BPD experience" has been healing. The "BPD EX" should be a new roller coaster at 6 flags...every time you get to the top, you think your going to get a prize only to be quickly plummeted to the next low only to repeat...sounds familiar eh?

[Plucky1980]

okay guys...I am totally new to the forum and was just reading your post on this topic. Its incredible how I can totally relate to everything that you have said. I just broke up with my Ex BPD about 2.5 months ago with no contact since. i am struggling tho! I went through 7 recycles tho. The first 3 were me running back to her (like  a duffs) the last 4 I was already like done...but she kept running back to me and chasing me (naturally I caved in). But this last time I told my self this is it! No more! Heart just couldn't take it any more. Its so true that when you look at the BPD triggers they all circle around the need for attention and fear of abandonment! Its crazy how hard it is. It hurts so much! Mine may be because she new I was going to propose (she had already picked out setting) and i had planned a trip to tally for us and was going to get us a house. But i think i dodged a major bullet though now knowing who she really was! Hang in there tho!

I'm both glad and sad that people share my own experiences. Means that I am not going completely mental and I can get closer to my goal of ultimately realising that things were not my fault. I'm not quite there yet.

Sad though, because we shouldn't have to go through this unfathomable pain. Knowing that the relationship was toxic but still feeling things. Pain, sadness, bitterness, anger, it's all still there for me, personally. Not as much, obviously. It dulls over time. But 9 months of this stuff is exhausted me.

[Venicebeach]

I hear you guys! But we are all soo much better without them!  We all dodged a major bullet! Hang in there guys! Just think of all the crap they put us through. We deserve way more! All the stuff we did for them , other healthy woman would have loved it!

[once removed]

hey Venicebeach, and

seven recycles is a lot! it sounds like quite a roller coaster you were on.

i can imagine this would be pretty heartbreaking. you were going to propose to her. i thought my ex would be the woman i would marry, too.

so what happened between these recycles? what led to you breaking up with her?

[Venicebeach]

Hey "Once removed". Yup it was definitely a rollercoaster. but you all know we loved it in a way. That is what you call Trauma Bonding! The funny thing with my recycles was that I sort of new they would be coming at times. Yu see prior to her breaking up she would go into this silent treatment and she would make me wonder and freak out. Sometimes she wouldn't pull trigger and she would get over it but other times shed break up. So I was always on the edge with her! Never knew what was going to happen. it sucked. Funny thing is that when she broke up it would be for like 2-5 days but we would still talk. But now looking back at it. I think she was using those break ups to manipulate the relationship to get me to do what she wanted (engagement, move relationship forward, get married, house, etc). Who knows! Its just funny how she would always post things like im her soulmate, and i was the love of her life and then we get into an argument about normal stuff (things that would not result in her being priority or me giving her all attention) and then shed get mad and then break it off! Typical BPD trait. But Again i think it was also to make me hurt and manipulate it. So the final break up she did was the typical reason (she felt she was not priority and she was not getting attention she wanted)...but this time I realized that she was jelous of my 14 year old daughter. But she knew my daughter would always come first (just like any parent would). But she again flipped out...but this time she really messed up and said that " my daughter was drama and that she couldn't live with a person like that and that she wanted a drama free and stress free life". That was it! After that comment I lost total respect for her! She basically turned her back on me and my daughter. You can't come back from that!They say BPD's have this talonic way of thinking where its "an eye for an eye" and some, during their rage, say hurtful things. Well I can vouch for that! In any case. We are all better off without toxic people like that boss!

[once removed]

Yup it was definitely a rollercoaster. but you all know we loved it in a way.

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times 

We are all better off without toxic people like that boss!

maybe so. it doesnt always feel that way though. i didnt recycle per se. my ex and i threatened each other with breakups a lot...probably, in our near three years together, hundreds of times. it never lasted even a full day, but i think the outcome is the same when it comes to breakup/makeup cycles.

when i was going through it, part of the challenge for me was wondering why, on one hand, part of me felt i was better off, and part of me was an emotional basket case, and a grieving mess.

we have a workshop here on relationship reycles...what they are, why they happen, the frequency with which they occur: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95860.0

what are your thoughts?