Is Al Anon meetings helpful for parents with children who have BPD?

[nonbordermom11]

Hi all! Question...I have been seeing posts from parents attending Al Anon for help with children with BPD...is it helpful? Are you going because the child has BPD or drug use? My daughter has BPD, definitely smokes weed, but not anything else to my knowledge. I would like to attend these meetings if they are helpful to my dealing with her BPD. I really enjoy the help I get from this site.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

My husband and I go to AlAnon. Our son does have drug and alcohol problems but what we learn there applies to his BPD symptoms as well. They are possibly the best people to learn from when it comes to detaching with love. Try a few different open meetings and see what you think

[PeaceMom]

Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and my favorite, Families Anonymous are all very welcoming. Sometimes our group seemed not to quite get our struggles though. The part we liked the most was the serenity prayer which is like Radical acceptance taught in DBT model. What we didn’t relate to as much was the tough love approach taught. Most of us w/BPD loved ones see that that more stringent approach didn’t get the desired results.

Aside from that many loved ones abusing substances have a MH issue so we did receive wisdom from the group sharing. I say try aw real and take what you need and leave the rest behind.

[nonbordermom11]

Great, thank you both, I looked up meetings and found one near my house. I will attend and let you know.

[Onedayatatime73]

I love Al Anon meetings. I initially started to go fifteen years ago because of my mom's alcoholism. I've learned alot about setting boundaries, love with detachment that I certainly can apply with with my BPD loved one.

[twocrazycats]

I love the Al-Anon meeting that I've been attending. It has been very helpful. I had attended Al-Anon many years ago when I had been in a relationship with an alcoholic. Al-Anon helped me get my self and my life back. After attending Al-Anon and therapy, I was happier than I'd ever been. I then moved to a different area and never looked for a new Al-Anon.

When I was seeing a therapist to help deal with my reactions to my daughter's BPD, the therapist recommended Al-Anon. There had been some minor issues with alcohol and weed, but nothing that would have made me think I "qualified" for Al-Anon based on my dd. But I realized that I was responding to my daughter in the same codependent fashion that I had responded to the alcoholic. So I went to a meeting and continue to go. Most helpful to me are the emphasis on "detach with love," and especially, "put the focus on yourself."

Al-Anon has both open and closed meetings. Closed meetings are for those dealing with the problem of alcoholism. Open meetings are open to anybody. I actually think the meeting I attend regularly is an open one, but that's not why I chose it.

I definitely recommend giving it a try.

2CC

[nonbordermom11]

Thank You! That was what I was hoping to hear, I need more advice and support.  Too many hours of my day worrying about how to "fix" this. My T told me not to contact my DD, let her come to me and ask for my help, then be very specific on what I'm willing to do. Then stick to it like a mantra. I'm going to need the support, she will wear me down with the threats, verbal abuse, etc

[FaithHopeLove]

Try to attend several meetings so you get the right fit.

[wendydarling]

So pleased to hear so many of you are benefiting. I've not attended myself, though my DD attended local NHS UK Drug and Alcoholic service following dx July 2015 for alcohol dependency. As many of you share they adopt the DBT approach. DD said the mindfulness taught, was better than that within the later DBT module with the mental health service. Perhaps because it was 'new' to her, it certainly worked and she felt relief. Do you think this may help you nonbordermom11? Let us know.BEHAVIOURS: Extinction Bursts
 

My T told me not to contact my DD, let her come to me and ask for my help, then be very specific on what I'm willing to do. Then stick to it like a mantra. I'm going to need the support, she will wear me down with the threats, verbal abuse, etc

While my DD does not rage at me, blame I can understand your T suggesting to provide 'space' for your DD to come to you for help. That's been my modus operandi with DD who lives with me. There is a 'space' where we meet, she can ask for help when she needs it, she does and it is empowering. Otherwise she works out what she can, at her pace.

You are lovingly communicating your personal values, we are standing strong with you.  

WDx