Overwhelmed with suicidal bpd mother

[Depression = 72% of members]

I talked to my mother on the phone. I have a lot going on right now. I had a very stressful and important interview today that didn't go favourably and I'm moving in 2 days and still have so much packing to do. My mother told me to call her to tell her how my interview went. After I told her I asked her how she was. She said that she was very upset with my brother because he criticized her at Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving was last weekend). They got in an argument and both left the table. My brother won't talk to her so she told me that yesterday she was suicidal and wanted to take a lot of pills. My dad asked her if she thought she should go to the hospital and she said no because she had to get ready for her book launch next weekend (she wrote a book). This made her realize that she didn't want to kill herself. She threatens suicide when she is upset to get attention and get others to feel bad for her. It really triggered me because she attempted suicide when I was a teenager and I saved her life. All the memories came flooding back and I became really overwhelmed. My mother was at a restaurant when I talked to her and I'm almost positive that she was drunk. I'm so upset with her for threatening suicide again. She said she talked to her psychiatrist and a therapist. She's trying to get people to feel sorry for her. Lately my mother and I have gotten along well. She helped me financially by lending me money so that I could buy a car and move. I feel like I shouldn't have let my guard down. These things always come out of the blue. I tried to talk to my dad last weekend to talk to my mom about her drinking because it really upsets my little brother who can't afford to move out. He said he had told my brother that there was nothing they could do about it. This really upsets me because I had to deal with my mother a lot when I lived at home since I was the oldest and my dad would do nothing. I told my dad how traumatizing it was for me during a therapy session
 He apologized but now he's doing it again with my brother. My new landlord won't let me have another person live in my apartment (it's in the lease that I signed). I told my brother that he could visit. I can't let him move in though and I feel so bad for him. I'm so mad at my mother. She's so selfious and always does this stuff to get attention. I feel so overwhelmed and I just want to be able to live my life. When stuff like this happens I become almost paralysed and it makes it hard for me to function in my own life. My mom wants to call me tomorrow but I don't want to talk to her. I hate having conflict with her and I'm afraid she's going to get mad at me if I don't pick up the phone. I feel so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do or how to stop feeling so upset.

[wmm]

I talked to my mother on the phone. I have a lot going on right now. I had a very stressful and important interview today that didn't go favourably and I'm moving in 2 days and still have so much packing to do. My mother told me to call her to tell her how my interview went. After I told her I asked her how she was. She said that she was very upset with my brother because he criticized her at Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving was last weekend). They got in an argument and both left the table. My brother won't talk to her so she told me that yesterday she was suicidal and wanted to take a lot of pills. My dad asked her if she thought she should go to the hospital and she said no because she had to get ready for her book launch next weekend (she wrote a book). This made her realize that she didn't want to kill herself. She threatens suicide when she is upset to get attention and get others to feel bad for her. It really triggered me because she attempted suicide when I was a teenager and I saved her life. All the memories came flooding back and I became really overwhelmed. My mother was at a restaurant when I talked to her and I'm almost positive that she was drunk. I'm so upset with her for threatening suicide again. She said she talked to her psychiatrist and a therapist. She's trying to get people to feel sorry for her. Lately my mother and I have gotten along well. She helped me financially by lending me money so that I could buy a car and move. I feel like I shouldn't have let my guard down. These things always come out of the blue. I tried to talk to my dad last weekend to talk to my mom about her drinking because it really upsets my little brother who can't afford to move out. He said he had told my brother that there was nothing they could do about it. This really upsets me because I had to deal with my mother a lot when I lived at home since I was the oldest and my dad would do nothing. I told my dad how traumatizing it was for me during a therapy session
 He apologized but now he's doing it again with my brother. My new landlord won't let me have another person live in my apartment (it's in the lease that I signed). I told my brother that he could visit. I can't let him move in though and I feel so bad for him. I'm so mad at my mother. She's so selfious and always does this stuff to get attention. I feel so overwhelmed and I just want to be able to live my life. When stuff like this happens I become almost paralysed and it makes it hard for me to function in my own life. My mom wants to call me tomorrow but I don't want to talk to her. I hate having conflict with her and I'm afraid she's going to get mad at me if I don't pick up the phone. I feel so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do or how to stop feeling so upset.

[Swimmy55]

Hi,Hi,
 I am newish to this particular board so after piecing together my Dad has BPD traits ( undiagnosed) and a sister in law that definitely has BPD.. I feel your overwhelm.  Her threatening suicide like that must be extremely triggering for you. Since it appears this particular suicide threat turned out not to be one, would it be ok for you to give yourself a break and not call her tomorrow?  It really sounds like you need some down time/respite from her.  You are moving and have a whole lot of stuff going on.
   Your Mom probably won't like it, but can you challenge yourself to just say to yourself,"so what?" 
I am uncertain on how you feel you need to rescue your brother?  From what I read of your previous posts he takes the brunt?  Does your T have any advice on how you can detach from your Mom mentally?

[wmm]

My therapist says I need to be willing to accept that my mom could be mad at. It makes me so anxious when she gets mad. I've moved but I'm still so overwhelmed by what's going on. I thought my mother and brother were going to see a therapist today but my mom got the date wrong. Apparently they talked today but I don't know what the outcome of that was. It's helpful when they have a therapist because they butt heads a lot. My mom's been calling me every day and she said the only thing that's kept her holding on is knowing that she would talk to my brother today. She was really worried about them not being able to talk to each other. Also, she blames my brother for everything. Her drinking is out of control and she gets very emotional and upset when she drinks. The night she tried to run out of the house and said she was going to commit suicide she had been drinking. My brother has nowhere to go. My lease says I'm not allowed to have anyone else live with me. He can visit me but that's it. My dad is thinking about separating from her but he refuses to leave the house. My mother won't leave the house. She already tried to kick him out before during a period of rage. I think it would be good for everybody if my parents separated but I'm afraid that my mom would kill herself. I know it's awful to think, but sometimes I think life would be less stressful if she wasn't here anymore. Of course it would be excruciatingly painful but there wouldn't be all this turmoil anymore.

[Swimmy55]

Hi Wmm,
I understand trying to watch interactions between family members.  Gently, I say to you that your Bro is an adult and you can't control any interactions between him and your mother.  I know you want to rescue, but maybe you can't and you have to be gentle with yourself and be able to forgive yourself . 

It appears in August you were given some advice on triangulation and boundaries .  I will add the link to boundaries here that may help:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries

Interacting with our family members, especially when one is ill is a minefield.