Struggling parent of a 20 year old adopted daughter with BPD

[Sshilli]

I am struggling with what to do about my 20 year old daughter.  She was diagnosed “rule out BPD” five years ago by 5-6 different psychologists after she attempted to end her life.  She had six hospitalizations, residential treatment and a variety of PHP and IOP programs.  DBT was used and I too was part of a parent group that learned the DBT tools and skills so I could better support my adopted daughter at home. 

She got better and made lots of friends and went to college.  Something five years ago I never dreamed possible.  Now, she is not functioning and is unraveling.  She is severely depressed and unable to function except she still goes to her part time job. 

She accept any mental health diagnosis or even stay on an antidepressant or any medication related to depression.    She has gotten very disregulated and either tells me I am an awful parent and person or begs me to pls love her.   She refuses treatment and I can’t take much more of the swings and unpredictable behavior and lashing out at be and/or her despair.  Nothing I do works or helps. 

How can I get her medical help when she won’t accept it?
How do I maintain healthy boundaries?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Sshilli
Welcome to the group. You have come to the right place to get information and support. We are all in this together. I know what you mean by mood swings and unpredictable behavior. It can be hard to cope with. Getting a 20 year old into treatment against their will is hard because at that age they can legally refused. For therapy to work the person must be motivated anyway so perhaps the best approach would be to wait and see if that motivation comes while all the time assuring her of your love and support. The most important thing is to keep yourself centered. Healthy boundaries are a big part of that. Here is some great information about how to do that. Forming Healthy Boundaries Let me know if this helps.
Hugs
Faith