Hi
,
Many thanks for your kind answer and your welcoming message. My father is trying to help my sister as well, but he is 73 years old and he can be very stubborn and sometimes aggressive; her ex-partner meets her every Sunday but this is only because he takes her child with him so she can spend some time with her child. Every time she has a problem, she calls me or asks somebody to call me. Most of the times it is me who must help her, because nobody else can or will do it.
We grow up in a very aggressive environment, my father constantly insulted us (my mother, my sister and me) and many times he hit my mother. I suspect my father may have BPD, but he never has been diagnosed or treated. So, when I finished college, in 2006, I move out from my parent’s house, I went abroad to do postgraduate studies. Since then, I called my family twice a month, although I mostly talked with my mother. In 2011, my mother and my sister moved out of the family home, but then my sister said she couldn’t live with my mother. So, my boyfriend allowed my mother to live with him until I came back to Mexico in 2012. When I came back to Mexico I did not wanted to talk to or meet my sister or my father and they neither tried to contact me. In 2015 my sister got pregnant and she tried to get close to me, she invited my husband and me to her house to announce she was pregnant. To be honest, I was not very happy with the news, I was very worried because I did not know if she could take care of a baby without repeating the violence pattern. So, once again I decided to keep my distance.
My mother lived with me and my husband until my sister got to the middle of her pregnancy. When her baby was a few months old, one night my sister called me at 9:00 pm and said that I had to go an pick my mother from her home and take her to the doctor because my mother was not feeling well. When I picked up my mother my sister was very angry, she insulted my mother, my husband and me. A week later my mother died. Apparently, she had been feeling sick for several days but did not want to say anything to my sister so she wouldn´t get angry. When my mother was in the hospital, my sister said she couldn´t ask permission on her job to take care of my mother even a couple of hours. I didn´t know my sister had been diagnosed with BPD yet. So, again I decided to keep my distance from her.
One year later, she called me, she was crying, and she was saying that her partner had taken her baby and he was not answering his phone. When I met her she said many confusing things, apparently she had an affair whit a co-worker and constantly said to her partner that she didn´t love him any more (her partner), that she had an affair, that the father of her baby was her coworker, so my conclusion was that he couldn’t take that anymore and took the child and left. She said also that she didn´t love her child. Eventually we ended up in a psychiatric hospital, they administered a medicine to calm her but didn´t admit her because they didn´t have a bed for her. Some days passed by and her partner went back to their home and apparently everything returned to normality. Just to repeat more or less the same thing the following year, with the difference that she got admitted this time in the psychiatric hospital, a diagnose of BPD was handed from her doctors and her partner did not go back to their home and he remains with the custody of her child. Since her partner left her, she lives alone and when she got a bit better she got a job, but now she had loosed her job again.
Regarding aggressions, most of the time these are verbal. For instance, she frequently says to me that my mother (who is been dead for 2 years now) loved her very much and did not loved me; or that she does not understand why I have a husband and a job if she is prettier and more intelligent that I am. When we were in high school (20 years ago) she cut with scissors all my cloths, more recently we were in a bus station and I asked her if she wanted me to ask for a cab for her, she got very angry (because she wanted me to go and sleep with her at her home) and was about to hit me, so I ran to my vehicle and leave her at the bus station (I knew she had enough money to get home).
My sister only calls me when she has called everyone else (her male friends especially and her ex-partner) and they have said they cannot help her. When she is feeling “alright” she does not have any interest on me but when she feels that everybody else has left her, she starts calling me or messaging me. When she left the hospital and had a job I proposed to meet her once a week to have lunch, but she never wanted to go she said she was busy. So what I try to do is to call her to make sure she is ok.
