Help my son is about to marry a woman with BPD

[Miss my son]

My son is about to marry someone with BPD. She is so unkind and vindictive,  she has chosen his ex gf's {who was her best friend} birthday, a Tuesday, as their wedding date. She has villianized me. My son only communicates with me via Facebook IM. She read all his texts and then blocked my number. I miss my son. He has changed so much. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Kwamina]

Hi Miss my son

I am sorry the situation with your son and his fiancée is currently so troublesome. When a family-member is in a relationship with someone with BPD, this unfortunately can really impact the entire family dynamics. How long has your son been in this relationship with her?

You mention her being unkind and vindictive and that she has villainized you. In what ways has she villainized you?

You miss your son and have seen a great change in him. This experience of witnessing such a huge change, is something many of our members have also talked about. How often do you have contact with your son via Facebook IM?

I am glad you are reaching out for support as you try to cope with this difficult situation

The Board Parrot

[Panda39]

Hi Miss my son,

I'd like to join Kwamina and welcome you to the group

You are most definitely not alone we have other members who are in similar situations.  I'm glad you jumped in and posted, this is a great place to find support, get information, learn about tools that can help, and just a place to vent if you need to.  All of the members here have someone with BPD or BPD Traits in their lives we "get it".

Wow, setting a wedding date on the exgf's birthday shows a lot of jealousy and insecurity.

Can you tell us a little bit more of your story?  How long have they been together?  What is her (family/relationship) history if you know it?  Can you share more about your son?  What is he like? I'm glad to hear he is still reaching out through FB, as a mom myself I can imagine how hard this distance has been for you. 

I hope to hear more from you soon.

Panda39

[zachira]

My heart goes out to you hearing how your son is marrying a woman with BPD and how you are being treated by your son. Many years ago my cousin married a woman with BPD. Eventually he cut off the entire family except his sister who kept in contact while not criticizing his choices in any way. After many years, my cousin got a divorce and reestablished contact with the family. He has been happily married now for many years to a woman his sister introduced him to. I still see my cousin as the person who is capable of being with a woman with BPD in the sense that he seems to behave according to who he is with in the moment, and at times his nastiness suddenly comes out, though not so often as he has a really nice wife to help reign in his bad behaviors. I don't know if this story is of any help though I do think there is hope if someone in the family can stay in contact with your son without being critical of his choices. He does need to know that there are other choices besides his wife if he does indeed decide to go in a more positive direction.