Re: I’m out of ideas and losing my patience

[Mommabear1]

Wel, yesterday my daughter texted me asking for money. I loaned it, as always. She then texted that she was sorry for thanksgiving and loves me, but that was it. Then I asked my sister a question regarding my daughter,  since my sister apparently is talking to her, and I try to explain that she may want some more information before she gets involved in the situation and my sister tells me that I need to “check myself” and that she “doesn’t need any information from (me)” even though she only sees and talks to my kids once a year.  Long story short, I ended up telling my sister to go f* herself. I’m so done with all of it. I’m trying my absolute hardest and everyone thinks they know better than me. My daughter thinks that she can pretend nothing happened and I’m left to deal with all the collateral damage.  I feel like I’m drowning.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Ugh. I don't blame you for getting upset with your sister. I would be upset too if one of my siblings said those things. I am sorry you feel all alone now. You still have therapy and you still have us though. We will listen and not dismiss you.

[Mommabear1]

Thanks Faith. At this point I don’t have any where else to turn but this board. I know I’m probably not reacting the way I should, but I’m drained, exhausted and only human. My daughter has no concept of the collateral damage she has caused and as my husband pointed out last night, trying to  tell her would probably be a useless endeavor because either she would twist it or would jump off the deep end in beating herself up (until the next impulse hit.)

[FaithHopeLove]

Your husband is probably right that it would serve no purpose to tell your daughter about the damage she has caused. She is not in a place where she can process that. If you need to vent come here. We will brainstorm some ideas about how to make things better for you.  Is there any chance that anyone might be open to some family therapy?

[Mommabear1]

Nobody in my family would be open to therapy. They see my daughter as a “normal 19 year old” and I’m just being over dramatic and controlling. They are not interested in anything that would challenge their take on the situation. It’s simple to them: they’re right, I’m wrong and I should take their advise and just let my daughter do whatever she wants.

[FaithHopeLove]

Nobody in my family would be open to therapy. They see my daughter as a “normal 19 year old” and I’m just being over dramatic and controlling. They are not interested in anything that would challenge their take on the situation. It’s simple to them: they’re right, I’m wrong and I should take their advise and just let my daughter do whatever she wants.

I was afraid that was the case. Nonetheless, I think you being in therapy is going to help a lot. Please let us know how that goes. We are all pulling for you.

[Mommabear1]

Thank you. My first appointment is Friday.

[Mommabear1]

Therapy today went well, I think. She understands the traits of bpd and npd and is going to help me work towards getting healthy again. It was only meeting one, but I have weekly sessions scheduled and hopefully I can get back to myself sooner rather than later.  She was surprised that I hadn’t been in therapy before given everything my bpdd has done in the last 7 years.