Exhausted and want to run away from my adult mom

[Help for daugher]

I am so exhausted from trying to help my mom with her daily crisis . It’s been going on since I was 20. I thought that if I helped her she would finally be okay only to get a new problem to solve the next day.!i thought it was PTSD... I am 50 years old and just confirmed she has BPD. That she won’t get better. I am learning to block her calls for 2 to 4 days at a time because even a message left by her is nails on a chock-board. I had to go no contact with my sister who is BPD because of her sadistic text and Facebook posts that were distressing to every member of the family. I am thrilled to finally understand what all this is. I am still getting hooked on FOG and feel pulled in by guilt. It comes at me from my mom in every way she can make it happen.. just venting here. Thank you 

[Panda39]

Hi Help for daughter,

Welcome to the group    I'm glad you decided to jump in and join us.  I have found this site and it members to be really helpful with negotiating my Partner's undiagnosed BPD ex-wife.  I know you you will find the same with your mom.

It sounds like you are dealing with a double whammy...mom and sister. Do you have other siblings?  Is your dad in the picture?

You are already using one of the best tools and that is setting boundaries, which is what you are doing by blocking calls until you are ready to talk.  Boundaries are about protecting ourselves not punishing other people. 

Guilt...you are not alone in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) we all have/do experience that too.  Being the child of someone with BPD can make the FOG really difficult because you can be conditioned to respond in ways that aren't always healthy.  I've watched my partner's daughters wrestle with Guilt too when it comes to their mom.  Sometimes it's about letting the discomfort of FOG just happen without doing anything...it's about getting comfortable with discomfort.

How did you find out about BPD?  I discovered it by Googling "Chronic Lying" and there it was.  I then hit the library and did a lot of reading on the subject.  That really helped me get a good grounding in what it was, but it was coming here that gave me practical tools.  Are you in Therapy at all?  That can also be helpful.

Here are more links that you might find interesting/helpful
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56281.msg518358#msg518358

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108307.msg1064890#msg1064890

Again welcome 
Panda39

[Harri]

Hi, welcome

I too am glad you reached out to us as we really do get it here.  I want to echo what Panda said about your boundary re: texts.  Well done.  It is hard to change the way we respond especially after years/decades of trying so hard to help.   

As you settle in, I hope you read more of the threads and jump in.  We all support each other and work together here. 

Hope to hear more from you soon.