I'm back with a pregnant daughter with BPD

[twojaybirds]

I have not posted in about 5 years.  I learned how to manage a relationship with my DD.
Although she is now pregnant with twins which changes the playing field. She is 25 and SO is 28. 

The worst of the BPD, most of which I have not seen (some by my choice ) over the years is rearing it's head and of course against me, her only real support.  The SO is emotionally young, striving to be a rap star, smokes an awful lot of pot and is OCD.  The have been together for 5 years, so somehow they balance each other but now I am concerned and mostly in tears over the pregnancy.

It is sad not to be feeling sheer joy with becoming a grandparent, rather just bracing for the worst.

I am preparing for some postpartum depression and gathering resources in that event.
She is attacking me for everything including how I am planning her baby shower wrong.
She told her father (basically whose been absent in her life) and all my good friends the gender of the twins before telling me. 

No one else in her circle of friends (except may 2)  nor the family of the SO know her diagnosis as her "worse" was before she met them.  She works in the medical field as an MA and has been with the same clinic for quite a while where I am sure she is a caring professional.

I have a good friend, an RN, who worked in nicu and was a lactation specialist (who also has a daughter with BPD) thus we may plan some visits as an extra set of eyes. We are trying to figure out an 'ethical way to give a heads up to her OBGYN.   Dang, it feels so deceptive.

She lives about 20 minutes away from me.
Her 40 weeks is May 3rd, yet as twins they told her anytime from March 30 - April 20th depending upon what happens with the growth of the twins.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Resiliant]

Hi Twojaybirds, and welcome back!

I know this is tough, and we are listening.  There are many parents here in the group with grandchildren who can relate.  I am not one of them (yet), but I just wanted to welcome you back.

I see some good news here, firstly that you did learn how to manage the relationship and didn't feel the need to be here until now.
Also, that your daughter is holding a full-time job, working as you said as a "caring professional".

I'm glad to hear that you have your RN friend who is understanding, and that your daughter lives close.

You are understandably looking forward to this with much trepidation!  We are here for you.

Please continue to reach out as you are able. 

What is it that makes you teary?  What is your greatest fear?

 
R