Does it get better?

[Nathan574]

I have been with my partner for 5 years and have recently realized that she has BPD and I have Caretaker tendencies. We do great a lot of the time but once a month we get into a big argument and once every three months I get kicked out of the house for a day. I have also been setting up some boundaries lately and I really see some improvements but unfortunately I am currently in the middle of our biggest fallout yet. I am also staring to see how the one fight a month impacts me more than I let myself believe. 

My family knows a bit about the problems I have been having with my wife and they have essentially put out an ultimatum that it’s her or them. They want better for me and they don’t trust her.

The hard part is that they don’t know about all my failures as a husband or understand the this dynamic. They also don’t really know about the the problems I bring to the table from personal trauma that have prevented my success in previous relationships as well as this relationship. It’s just complicated and I definitely had my failures as a husband and have let her down in a lot of ways.

Luckily I’m in therapy with a therapist that is supportive and helping me work through this in a healthy way.  A lot of people in my situation would leave but I am not ready and am really in love with her and don’t want to lose what we have. I was a part of another support community where it seems like no one out there had hope for these types of relationships so I wanted to try a new place and see if there were any people out there who have been in my place and made a change, set boundaries, and helped improve things. My therapist says she knows of people who have and is trying to help me get there.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.