Suspect bpd and npd in parents

[Mary37]

Hi all,
I'm here because I suspect that my parents have bpd as well as narcissistic personality disorder.
The past few months I have gone no contact with them so that I can get a better understanding of who they are and our relationship without any distractions but I am facing constant backlash and I am questioning my own sanity.
Please let me know if you recognize bpd and npd in the following behaviors.
During my childhood my father would suddenly have outburst of anger without warning and he would hit me, pull my hair, throw sharp objects at me, grab me and shake me and much more...
Sometimes I would see a look of pleasure in his eyes while seeing me frightened. The abuse stopped when I was 15 when I told him that if he hits me again I will punch him.
During my teenage years when I started dating my mother took over the abuse calling me a slut, kicking me, threatening to kill me and throwing stuff at me.
She would also cry when I went out with friends instead of spending time with her and get agressive if I didn't talk with her as much as she wanted.
I had forgiven and forgotten the past abuse seeing them as flawed but never questioned their love.
Now being 37 I finally decided to set clear boundaries which reacked havoc in my life and just now I am realizing that unless I give my parents the right to control me they suddenly seem to lose their feeling of love become angered and have complete disregard of how much harm they are causing me by disrespecting my boundaries.
Do you recognize these behaviors and do you think that there is something wrong with me for having now at the age of 37 the realization that my parents love is conditional and that they are capable of knowingly harming me? Do I perhaps have bpd?

[Harri]

Hi and welcome!

Do you recognize these behaviors and do you think that there is something wrong with me for having now at the age of 37 the realization that my parents love is conditional and that they are capable of knowingly harming me? Do I perhaps have bpd?

What you shared here does sound familiar.  It is hard to say if the incidents indicate BPD or NPD.  Regardless, they are, at best, problematic.  I think most of us can say that our parents love was/is conditional.

I do not think there is anything wrong with you for recognizing the problems at the age of 37.  A lot of us here realized things were wrong even later on so you are not alone. 

You said you think your parents knowingly harmed you.  Can you share more about that?

I am glad you found us and reached out for support.  You will find this is a great place to share and talk with others who get it.

Again,

[Mary37]

Hi Harry,
Thank you very much for your response, it's good to know I'm not alone in this. I've been feeling very confused. By them being able to knowingly harm me I mean that with the physical abuse they knew they were causing me pain and did it either for sadistic pleasure in the case of my father or in the case of my mother vengeance and an intentional attempt to break me so that I comply to her authority.
 All these years I rationalised the abuse thinking that they were just losing it and that they weren't conscious of their actions but I'm thinking this was just an excuse.
Also, almost a year ago when I told my mother that I needed to take a distance from her, she did certain things that contributed to me losing my job. When I told her that I think she intentionally tried to make me lose my job, she didn't deny it and I found that very disturbing...