The whole gamut of emotions come with a diagnosis

[Overwhelmedmama]

When I adopted my daughter many years ago I was naive to so many of the  things that we would have to learn to face together. I love her with all my heart. When she was diagnosed with an attachment disorder a few years ago I was rocked. I had never even heard of such a thing. Today she was diagnosed with borderline, oppositional defiant and depressive disorder. I’m scared and overwhelmed. She just wants to give up.  I’m trying to support her and tell her there is so much more to life for her to fight for but she has to be willing. I know she’s struggling. I watched my sister struggle with this disorder my whole life. And I know I can not truly know what she is going through but if she will only let me I can help. I can be a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, I can tell her what I’ve learned, my experiences with this, some tips, advice... but I can’t give her the will to survive. I feel so alone. I recently lost my mother and now have no family or close friends that live near me. How do I continue to find the strength to be her rock when my foundation is shattered?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi.     I am glad you found us.  The parents who post on this board get it and can support you as your support your daughter.   On top of all this you are grieving your mom and I am so sorry for your loss.  You are dealing with a lot and I hope you can get some relief here and feel like you are not alone any longer.

Can you tell us some more about your daughter?  How old is she?  Does she live with you?  Things like that.  What would you say her biggest struggle is?  What is yours?

Sorry for all the questions.  More information helps us get to know you and better guide you to various resources and in terms of how we can each help you with our responses.

I hope to hear more from you soon.

[wendydarling]

Hi Overwhelmedmama 

I want to join Harri welcoming you and offer my support along with others.

'The whole gamut of emotions come with a diagnosis' they certainly do!

I'm so sorry for your recent loss, my 31DD also received her diagnosis on the cusp of my father passing in 2015. Double whammy for sure. Have you reached out for bereavement counselling? I was so consumed with dealing with DD's daily crisis and supporting her into treatment till one day a year later I realised I'd not made time to grieve the loss of my father (he was constantly in the back of my mind and I felt conflicted and overwhelmingly sad). I went to bereavement counselling and immediately felt the relief leaving BPD out of the room. I was able to honour my feelings and my father and feel comfort and peace with him.

I'm glad you've joined us, we're walking with you, you are not alone. 

WDx

[Overwhelmedmama]

Thank you for the support!

My daughter is 15 and she does live with me. She’s currently in a mental health hospital for attempted suicide. She’s just so angry. That’s the hardest struggle right now. She can’t move forward because she is so focused on the past, on her anger, and on blaming me for everything. She won’t admit she has a problem, other than me.

I have not done bereavement counseling. I live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, that’s why I am seeking support online. You are right though that I have been pushing my grief away in order to focus on the day to day of getting things stable.

I’m sorry I don’t understand the lingo yet... what does 31DD mean?

[formflier]

I want to join Harri and wendydarling in welcoming you and saying that I'm so glad you found us.

Many years ago when I found BPDfamily, I had many of the same questions and thoughts you expressed.  "If she would only..."

but if she will only let me I can help. 

And yes it would be helpful "if she would only".  Yet I want to assure you that there are many...MANY things you can learn here and do that will improve the life of your daughter (who is very lucky to have such a loving parent!)...even if "she is not willing".

Perhaps you can make some changes that will "turn down the temperature" in your relationship and allow for some communication and healing. 

How does that sound?


Best,

FF

[Overwhelmedmama]

What changes can I make to turn down the temperature?

[wendydarling]

O  

I'm so very sorry your daughter is in hospital following an attempt. My DD (dear daughter) was hospitalised a number of times in 2015/16 at 26yrs. It is truly heart breaking seeing our loved ones suffer, struggling, feeling helpless, stuck. Devastating. I am here to give you hope things can get better because they can. Slowly, lovingly, gently and patiently, one day at a time.

What is the hospital saying in terms of treatment and forward safety plan?

You've been through a lot, the RAD diagnosis, your sister...we are here listening when, if you feel able to share.

Support and learning is super critical, as we all learn here. Have you considered signing up to the Family Connections Programme? It's free and you can join remotely.

What changes can I make to turn down the temperature?

I made my way (slowly and in my own time) through.
HOW TO GET THE MOST OF THIS SITE The "QUICK TIPS THAT WILL HELP IMMEDIATELY". I read through and chose Listening with Empathy as the most powerful tool/skill for my personal situation (in crisis) and started there, active listening, validating DD's feelings.

How are you, what's happening?

WDx