I blew up and I am angry with myself

[Depression = 72% of members]

I’m not sure if this is the right board , but here goes .I am not handling this very well and I need to vent.
My ex and I got back together this September after she split with her boyfriend ( a married man who left his wife and kids for their relationship ) there were many incidents of arguments and violence between the pair of them.
When we got together again I knew she wanted a child and we set about trying . She is pregnant but we have split again and she has gone back to him .
She doesn’t have many friends and has fallen out with her family.
So now she is isolated with only him to rely on .
I want to be involved with the pregnancy and baby but it is so hard to whenever I push to be involved she pushes back . Then the next day she asks me for money to buy baby things.
Last night I’d had enough she text something about a pram and I told her she had gone back to an abusive relationship . I know I should and it doesn’t help, but I was angry at the whole situation.
I was told to not have an opinion on her personal life, they were just friends and he is the only one helping her at the moment. It’s a small town and I see her car at his most days , can’t avoid it .
I know that he was the reason we split again , and I also know she made the choice to be with him rather than me and I am coming to terms with that, but it still seems so unfair.
I know the texts last night didn’t help, and I’m banging my head against a brick wall , but what can I do . It’s so frustrating , and so very unfair.
I’ve not asked for us to be reunited. Because in all honesty I can’t see how it would ever work. But I do still have feelings for her.
How do I square the circle , how can I pull back from having these annoying racing thoughts, yet still be a good father and be there for the pregnancy. I want to able to choose names and godparents and that kind of thing , but when she is with him and listening to his poison I’m on a hiding to nothing .
Arrrggghhhh

[Foolish man]

I’m not sure if this is the right board , but here goes .I am not handling this very well and I need to vent.
My ex and I got back together this September after she split with her boyfriend ( a married man who left his wife and kids for their relationship ) there were many incidents of arguments and violence between the pair of them.
When we got together again I knew she wanted a child and we set about trying . She is pregnant but we have split again and she has gone back to him .
She doesn’t have many friends and has fallen out with her family.
So now she is isolated with only him to rely on .
I want to be involved with the pregnancy and baby but it is so hard to whenever I push to be involved she pushes back . Then the next day she asks me for money to buy baby things.
Last night I’d had enough she text something about a pram and I told her she had gone back to an abusive relationship . I know I should and it doesn’t help, but I was angry at the whole situation.
I was told to not have an opinion on her personal life, they were just friends and he is the only one helping her at the moment. It’s a small town and I see her car at his most days , can’t avoid it .
I know that he was the reason we split again , and I also know she made the choice to be with him rather than me and I am coming to terms with that, but it still seems so unfair.
I know the texts last night didn’t help, and I’m banging my head against a brick wall , but what can I do . It’s so frustrating , and so very unfair.
I’ve not asked for us to be reunited. Because in all honesty I can’t see how it would ever work. But I do still have feelings for her.
How do I square the circle , how can I pull back from having these annoying racing thoughts, yet still be a good father and be there for the pregnancy. I want to able to choose names and godparents and that kind of thing , but when she is with him and listening to his poison I’m on a hiding to nothing .
Arrrggghhhh

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Foolish man]

Also in anger said it’s me or him .  Clearly she has already chosen him. It was a dumb thing to say but I don’t want to contact her now to say anything . So messed up