Obsessive and neediness

[Depression = 72% of members]

   This is m 1st post and I really hope you all can add some insight.  I feel so alone in this and don't have anyone to talk to.  My H is obsessed with me in every way possible.  His entire world revolves around me.  He relies on me for his happiness.  He wants me to spend all my time with him and gets upset if I give my attention to anyone else.  He is constantly telling me he loves me, how beautiful I am, calls me his goddess, queen etc.  He does things for me and tells me he does this all to make me love him more.  He stares at pictures of me constantly and reads through old texts.  It's really hard to describe on here just how extreme it is. 
I feel like he is sucking the life out of me.  I don't even like to go home.  There is no amount of attention and love I can give him that could ever satisfy him.  The crazy thing is, I don't even feel like he loves me.  I feel that it is the security he is trying to get from me that he loves.  He rarely seems to even hear a word I say. 
Thank you to anyone reading this and I would so appreciate any input.

[christieboys]

   This is m 1st post and I really hope you all can add some insight.  I feel so alone in this and don't have anyone to talk to.  My H is obsessed with me in every way possible.  His entire world revolves around me.  He relies on me for his happiness.  He wants me to spend all my time with him and gets upset if I give my attention to anyone else.  He is constantly telling me he loves me, how beautiful I am, calls me his goddess, queen etc.  He does things for me and tells me he does this all to make me love him more.  He stares at pictures of me constantly and reads through old texts.  It's really hard to describe on here just how extreme it is. 
I feel like he is sucking the life out of me.  I don't even like to go home.  There is no amount of attention and love I can give him that could ever satisfy him.  The crazy thing is, I don't even feel like he loves me.  I feel that it is the security he is trying to get from me that he loves.  He rarely seems to even hear a word I say. 
Thank you to anyone reading this and I would so appreciate any input.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SinisterComplex]

So first, welcome to the board. Second, vent as much as you need to. Third, provide more back story if you could. How long have you been together, how long did you know one another before getting into a relationship, etc?

I have insight and thoughts I will share, but before I say anything further I would just kindly ask for you to provide some more back story. I think I speak for anyone who frequents this forum is that we are truly here to help and support you and there will be no judgment passed.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[christieboys]

We met about 5 years ago...married for 3.  We lived on the same road and had the same type of dog with the same name.  We got to know each other over me helping taking care of his dog while he was at work.  He was quite a recluse.  He was divorced and had 2 children, one was away at college and the other came over every other weekend.  No friends, did a little online dating.  My 1st red flag was the amount he talked about his daughter.  He seemed to worship her.  I'm a mother and talk about my kids all the time but there was something off about the way he spoke about her.  He since has told me that I took her place. 
I should also add to this, he seems to dislike everyone except myself, his daughter and mother.  He texts both of them several times a day every day.  He treats his son like a piece of sh%& and does not speak to 2 of mine. 
Another thing I would like to add about my previous post is that the things he does for me get both thrown in my face and he brags about it to anyone and everyone who will listen. 
Also, he seeks out constant reassurance.  Do you love me?, Are you sure?, will you be mine forever?, are you talking to me today?, why do you hate me?  what can I do to make you love me more? etc...

[SinisterComplex]

MMM...well the harsh truth. His behavior is definitely on the abnormal side of things. While I won't make a diagnosis I do have some suspicions as to what I think it is I will just say therapy/counseling is something that should be sought out as soon as possible. Lots of insecurities, lots of external validation and no focus on the self, etc. There are a lot of traits that could be at play.

Now in saying that. What are your goals? What outcome are you seeking for yourself and your partner?

Cheers!

-SC-

[christieboys]

Thank you for your response and don't be afraid to give any opinions.  I know there are some serious issues.  He has promised numerous times to seek therapy and has not.  I am going to go myself in hopes that he will follow if he thinks it is going to keep the marriage together.  Do be totally honest, I am done.  I am so mentally exhausted.  But I feel a sense of responsibility to get him help because I do feel bad for him and I am scared of what he will do when I leave.  He's a very frightening person, not in a abusive way, but in a mentally unstable way. 
My life at home is trying to keep him balanced while trying to be the best mom I can be.  I keep my kids away from him as much as possible and take them out of the house to spend time with them.  He stays away from them too but the awkwardness in the home is tangible.  I know this situation is not good for them and the guilt I feel is unimaginable.  I feel like a complete idiot for getting us into this situation. 

[SinisterComplex]

Because you are married...this makes it even tougher. I am perplexed on how to say what I want to say. It is conflicting because on a personal level marriage vows are something I place at the top of the totem pole. The whole in sickness and in health thing kinda pulls at me here and this is coming from a divorced man.

The logical side on the other hand will tell you that you are responsible only for yourself and you always have to do what is in your own best interest especially when you have given your all to someone else. When the other half doesn't want to change and doesn't want to do the work then you are at a quagmire indeed. Additionally, you do have to remind yourself that no one experiences your life but you. You have to make the best decision not only for yourself but also for your children.

Now the only part here where I have to come down on you a little bit is that for all intents and purposes never think or feel you are an idiot. Do not beat yourself up. Do not blame yourself. That is unhealthy thinking and will do nothing but make matters worse for you.

As for what my suspicions are...again I will not make an armchair diagnosis. However, I can see traits of the cluster b family for sure with the potential of comorbities. What I recommend you do is read up on the cluster B PD's. You know his history. Perhaps you may read into NPD more specifically ;-).

What I will recommend moving forward. Keep venting. Provide as much detail as you can on his history that you know of.

This board will be here for you. I will be around for support as well.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-