I'm very isolated. Discouraged. Depressed.

[RoosterVM]

First time using something like this.  I'm not even 100% sure why I am here.  I am guessing I am at the end of my rope and need to lean on people who understand.  I'm very isolated.  Discouraged.  Depressed.

My story is probably like everyone else's, an exciting passionate whirlwind relationship in the beginning and then slowly losing my mind.  It took me a long time to stumble on "Walking On Eggshells."  It was a real eye opener and I thought I was on our way to "fixing" our relationship.  I went to a workshop in NYC and I read the books etc etc. but I have an unwilling partner.  For a brief period I had convinced her to get help and the mental health industry really let me/her down.

I came here because it has boiled up again. I told her I thought she needed to cut back or stop drinking and reassess the adderall.  She responded by was smashing phone, Apple Watch and my cpap machine.  (The cpap machine was kind of a new eye opener.  I'm 53 and she is 43 and I just had this thought of her abusing me when I am elderly.  If she is so quick to smash the machine I use to get a good nights sleep, what else could she do?  Hide my walker?) Property damage isn't even the worst part, I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't know.  The emotional abuse is what is taking a toll.  lazy, irresponsible, etc and the death blow, I would be a disappointment to my father (He died last year.)

We have an 11 year old girl and a 9 year old boy (a 24 year old girl from her prior marriage.) All I can think about is what kind of an example we are setting for them and what is best for them.  Would being children of divorced parents and a mother with BPD be better than children of parents in an unstable and chaotic relationship?  I want our kids to be happy and healthy.

I am hopelessly optimistic and think she will figure it out or somehow or it will improve.  I am learning a little about myself, like, what kind of a person would allow this to happen to them?  What is my role?  I think I came to this site to ask if anyone had any suggestions to get her (and me) treatment.  Does anyone have any advise?  Am I whistling dixie?  Do I just need to protect myself and separate?  Would that be best for our kids?  Would that jolt her into getting help?

Thanks for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome!

I am glad you are reaching out for support and that you found us.  As you read other threads on the boards and jump in and post, I am sure you will see you are not alone in this.  You'll have lots of company and support here as you navigate your way through some of the questions you asked.  We can help you find the answers.  The good news is that things can get better for you regardless of what you decide about your relationship.

I am hopelessly optimistic and think she will figure it out or somehow or it will improve.  I am learning a little about myself, like, what kind of a person would allow this to happen to them?  What is my role?  I think I came to this site to ask if anyone had any suggestions to get her (and me) treatment.  Does anyone have any advise?  Am I whistling dixie?  Do I just need to protect myself and separate?  Would that be best for our kids?  Would that jolt her into getting help?

Well, nothing is going to change without some work.  Here we focus on you (or us) and the role we can play to try to improve things.  As we learn better ways of interacting and communicating, we will see change in our partners too.   So no, I don't think you are whistling dixie! 

For a brief period I had convinced her to get help and the mental health industry really let me/her down.

What happened?