Narcissistic Personality disorder

[Rain33]

Hi everyone,  I’m 49 and have been happily married over 25 years. And diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythmetouses.  The person I’m my life I’ve always had a difficult time getting along with is my mother.  I’m not the only one who has a rocky relationship with.  My brother who I haven’t seen in over 20 years stopped all connections with my mother and because of it , family also.  My father and  other siblings have a difficult time also.  It is hard because we all wish we could get along with her. We’ve all tried everything when dealing with her and for me unfortunately it has come to walking away and not feeding into her criticisms and limiting time spent with her.  She has been constantly critical, judgmental, belittling, argumentative, cold, and lacks empathy.  She saw a therapist one time and didn’t go because she said Medicare wouldn’t cover all the visits. She has 2 insurances and believe she just didn’t want to go.  I believe she Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  I’ve tried also to understand what made her that way. Growing up she says she had a unloving mother and alcoholic father.  I’ve also started educating myself on Narcisstic Personality Disorder and how to deal with it.  I’m not a psychiatrist but know she has all the traits of NPD and how to deal or cope and has been healing.  I used to blame myself and she effected me almost to milk I had little or no self esteem.  My sister has been in thearapy for years for anxiety she believes stems from childhood.  Me and my husband both went to marriage counseling and individual consuling where the therapist talked to us concerning the boundaries regarding my mother.  She is very controlling and believes it’s her way or no way.  She has short periods of being great and easy and though nobody is perfect do wish it was more like that.

[Ziggiddy]

Hi Rain33 
What a challenge it seems you have had in trying to navigate your relationship with your mother! I relate in many ways: I initially thought my mother was uBPD but after extensive observation I came to a similar conclusion as you as to NPD. You may know that the 2 conditions can often coexist? I think that's the case with my mum.

You mention your mother can be critical, judgmental, belittling, argumentative, cold, and lacking in empathy. Could you explain some of the things she has done or tell some specific examples of behaviour you have noticed?
What led you to think that she might have BPD or BPD traits?
Obviously it would be necessary for a professional to diagnose your mother but you don't really need to be a psychiatrist to notice dysfunction or difficult traits. What kind of impact are her traits having on you?
Look forward to hearing more of your story
Ziggiddy