I don't know how to deal with my bpd boyfriend or ex...

[hurtinggirl1]

 

Hey! Sorry if this is lengthy i just don't know what to do...

I've been with my bpd boyfriend for 18 months. When we're good we're good...when it's bad it is bad. Recently, he broke up with me. We'd been arguing for a week straight and he straight up blocked me. I'm used to this, but before he did it he was so nasty, i was broken. Side note, he owes me quite a bit of money that i leant him, so he knows cutting off contact with me kills me.

Anyway, so after almost a week he got in touch with me. We kind of rekindled things. I haven't seen him due to lockdown but he said to me he couldn't live without me, I was the closest person to him and that he does really care and love me. I understand him and his anger, but recently it's become out of control. After saying that he then turned quite rude again but he then said he ants to see me asap and that he does miss me. ANYWAY, cut a long story short...he called me 'dodgy' because i fell asleep early and messaged him back at 2am. This is common for him. But this resulted in more nastiness and blocking again. I've been ringing/messaging everyday possible because i need my money back. He knows it kills me so is he doing it on purpose? Does he really love me? When he says he loves me i truly believe him. But when he's angry, i also believe him, it's cruel...

To my friends they would say get rid of him, but the 'too nice' part of me understands and cares too much...Will the anger go? Does he really love me?

We've argued so much in the past but always got through it, but i'm scared this time...HELP

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi hurtinggirl1, and

first things first. is the goal getting the money back, or reconciling the relationship, or both?

if its either of the latter two, the former is unlikely to happen, and i wouldnt push. if the goal is primarily getting your money back, i wouldnt count on that either.

i dont know if the answer is so much "get rid of him" or "accept him".

accept that you love a very difficult person, who has unhealthy coping mechanisms that challenge your relationship. can things improve and get on a healthier trajectory? absolutely. hopefully, thats what youre here to learn. will it be an uphill battle? lets just say that things didnt get to this point overnight, and they wont be solved overnight. its going to require some new skills, a new approach.