I am very close to being able to cut ties cold turkey with my gf (we are more like friends with benefits, but I love her and have known her 15 years). I wanted to hear from people who were able to manage a cold turkey end. If any of you are here, can you tell me, did it improve your life once you got past the shock and sadness and guilt? How soon did you get over the guilt? Do any of you regret doing it?
Well, it hasn't been possible for me to go cold turkey with my BPDxw (since we have kids together), but I've limited communications with her to factual matters related to the kids; when she's reached out with personal issues, or tried to drag me into fights and arguments, I simply don't respond.
The advice I received was to only respond to factual matters as necessary, and "ignore the editorials." For example:
She says: "
You better be here on time today to pick up the kids, and not late like you always are."
Instead of arguing with her about whether I'm "always late," I simply respond: "
I will be there at 6 PM to pick up the kids."
There is absolutely no point in arguing whether I am late or not; there's no judge or jury here, and it has no bearing on anything. I'm going to get my kids at 6 pm, regardless. So, that's as close to "cold turkey" as I can get. I don't as a general rule maintain contact with old girlfriends, and they don't contact me. So maybe it's easier for me to go "cold turkey?" I dunno.
Last year, I went cold turkey with a woman who was an old flame of mine (briefly) in the months before I met my XW. To summarize: I saw this old flame again while visiting friends in another city, and we made plans for her to visit me in return, but as the date of her visit got closer, she kept picking fights over things that never quite added up, and her behavior was dodgy. We agreed to call it off.
I realized in her behavior there were a lot of things that seemed to be
for BPD, and I learned that she had grown up in an abusive household and had a lot of family issues. No thanks! I blocked her in every medium she could possibly reach me on, and never looked back. It was satisfying. And it prevented her from calling me, and trying to recycle, and argue that she only did or said "X" because I did "Y," and we should try again... like I remember she did the
first time it didn't work out, years ago. No point in going around in circles with a pwBPD... life's too short!
I don't understand why in this day and age - with online dating apps making it so easy to meet new poeple - that anyone would pine after an ex. Just go date other people! (after COVID-19 is over...) If it doesn't work out, move on. If you're lonely one weekend, just remind yourself if it's only temporary and control the urge to text your ex, and see how he or she or they are doing.
