I would shy away from "credit when he deserves it".
Lots of judgment in "deserves".
Much better to acknowledge reality and be consistently thankful.
Figures don't lie. If he contributed 70% (give him credit for 70%)
I’m not sure. I do give credit where credit is due. No problem there. I never tell him he deserves it or doesn’t. But he tries to take credit for everything. If anything positive happens to anyone, he will recount anything he did and somehow make it that if but for his input, the wonderful thing wouldn’t have happened. And, it has definitely gotten worse.
Maybe it’s hard to understand if you don’t witness it but it is quite bizarre. I believe he feels the need to constantly reinforce his value. It can get rude and insulting.
There may be a grain of truth but not to the magnitude he tries to make it. And, he gives no credit where credit is due unless there’s a witness.
Example — son got in to a good school. Worked hard all through hs, took hard classes, got good grades, volunteered, worked, extracurriculars. H helped/controlled what schools to apply to. Son and I worked on apps and son did all the essays and recommendation requests. H reviewed essays and gave some feedback. Apps submitted. Son did interviews and had good results. Go son! Now have heard for 5 years that son going to a good school is only because H curated the list. Nothing to how hard son worked for years and all of his extra efforts.
Or, in-laws send an email about an upcoming event they think our family would like. H sends it to our kids as if it was his idea and never mentions that their uncle shared it. And never thanks uncle for sharing it. Maybe not a huge deal, but in the light of his constantly taking credit for things it drives me nuts that he does not give credit where credit is due. I am so conscious of it that I make big efforts to always give people credit when they do something. Work, family, school.
And, in case I wasn’t clear, I don’t tell H I’ll give him credit if he deserves it. And I don’t mean deserve in a judgmental way, but more in give credit where credit is due...not give credit to H no matter who actually truly deserves the credit.
Does that make sense?
