Am I Supposed To Accept Abuse?

[Frannie Fay]

Question: Am I supposed to accept abuse because he is BPD? Am I supposed to take the high road and be understanding despite feeling so hurt?

His abuse: swearing at me, making fun of me, throwing things in my face that I can't control (anxiety attacks, memory loss from burnout), anger/impatience, yelling, slamming doors, silent treatment, shirking his responsibilities, him refusing to get a job, him picking fights with me, sarcasm, teasing (Oh I'm just kidding), not listening to me when I talk, neglecting the pets...

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Stella Blue]

Hi! Right there with. The abuse is overwhelming. My friends wouldn’t even believe me. I wish I had an answer for  you. I. Don’t. Know. It’s hard. I understand.

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi.

To answer your question, no. You should not "accept abuse" simply because he has BPD. A mental illness does not give someone else the right to abuse you. You may try to be understanding of why he does what he does, but it does not mean you should not protect yourself from abusive behavior.

Perhaps this workshop will help. It outlines what a non-bpd partner should expect in a BPD relationship and what you should and should not do if you are in a relationship with a person with BPD:

The Do's and Don't's in a BPD Relationship

[Frannie Fay]

Hi! Right there with. The abuse is overwhelming. My friends wouldn’t even believe me. I wish I had an answer for  you. I. Don’t. Know. It’s hard. I understand.

I'm sorry for you Stella Blue. My friends know nothing as well. I'm too embarrassed to talk about it. Tonight, after 7 years together, I'm (for the first time) considering separating. I know he'll be devastated, but I can't be his "keeper" anymore. I'm suffering too much.

[Frannie Fay]

To answer your question, no.

Thanks, and thanks for the link. I read through it. I don't think I'm strong enough to keep this going. It's such a shame because I know the love bond is there. He won't go to therapy. He won't even admit he needs help. Our 7-year relationship is about to end. I'm extremely devastated.