Looking for a safe place that understands

[Believing God]

 Hello. I am new to the group but I have been living with a child that has been diagnosed with BPD. It took a number of years before we had an answer to our questions of what was wrong with our child. It has been 4 years since we got an official diagnosis but the pain has been for almost 14 years now. I guess I am just looking for a place where my feelings and experiences are understood, and not judged for not responding a certain way as a parent.

I really have more questions than answers. I find myself worrying about dying from stress as I struggle to balance my love and my dislike - if that even makes any sense. I am hoping to find encouragement and be exposed to effective ways to engage and support my child without damaging them or the relationship. Sigh

Well anyway...I'm here.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Believing God...welcome

So...you are "looking for a place where my feelings and experiences are understood and not judged for not responding a certain way as a parent"....?  You found it!

I am thinking that you have already spent some time reading through the posts on this forum before you joined in.  I'm glad you decided to make that move.  Never, ever feel you are alone in your feelings...alone in your problems.  24/7 you will be able to put your fingers on the keyboard and share as much or as little as you like an, as you do so, you are completely anonymous.

Note that these are different times.  Be patient if posts go unanswered for a while.  Needless to say, because of this pandemic, many are preoccupied with other very pressing matters.

Stress?  You bet living with someone who suffers from BPD can be stressful.  There are times when they can be so unlovable!

The best thing we can do for them is to, first and foremost, look after ourselves.  We have to be as stable as we can be in order to carry on to help them.  Don't weigh yourself down with any guilt.  Can you honestly say that you are  doing the best you can...that you will do better when/if you know better?  What more could be asked of anyone...including a parent?

Sadly, and in reality, there are no immediate answers...no one-fits-all solutions.  It is trial and error with, hopefully, some much-welcomed break-throughs now and then that give us incentive to move on.

You wrote that it was 4 years ago that your child was diagnosed has having BPD.  Did he/she ever receive treatment...counselling...medications?  Have you, as the parent, ever had counselling on how to better deal with BPD behaviours? 

Once again, BelievingGod, welcome.  Hope you latch on and stay on and take full advantage of what this website has to offer.  Not only is this a caring/supportive community, it is a place of learning and sharing.   This forum gives us the opportunity to vent and also the opportunity to help in our healing by reaching out and responding to others.

Here is to much better days for all of us.

Huat