Am I in the acceptance phase with my family members with BPD?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

For most of my life, I have been overwhelmed by having family members, from both my immediate family and extended family with  BPD and strong narcissistic traits, and from attracting friends and men into my life who behaved in similar ways to my family members. The last few weeks, I seem to have no desire to be around any of the family members with BPD and strong narcissistic traits. There doesn't seem to be much residual bitterness or sadness overwhelming me like in the past, I just genuinely do not want to be part of the family events nor want to have these type of people in my life. My friendships are getting stronger and more rewarding with the right kind of people: We help each other to be our best selves while giving honest constructive feedback to each other when necessary. It is feels so welcoming to be accepted for who I am and to genuinenly meet others where they are. I really enjoy the right kind of people and keep wondering how I could I have missed out on the rewards of authentic rewarding connections with people for most of my life. I keep asking myself what took me so long to get to this point, and am wondering what was the tipping point for others in just peacefully accepting their family members for who they are while moving on by creating rewarding relationships with those who can have intimate caring relationships and friendships.

[zachira]

For most of my life, I have been overwhelmed by having family members, from both my immediate family and extended family with  BPD and strong narcissistic traits, and from attracting friends and men into my life who behaved in similar ways to my family members. The last few weeks, I seem to have no desire to be around any of the family members with BPD and strong narcissistic traits. There doesn't seem to be much residual bitterness or sadness overwhelming me like in the past, I just genuinely do not want to be part of the family events nor want to have these type of people in my life. My friendships are getting stronger and more rewarding with the right kind of people: We help each other to be our best selves while giving honest constructive feedback to each other when necessary. It is feels so welcoming to be accepted for who I am and to genuinenly meet others where they are. I really enjoy the right kind of people and keep wondering how I could I have missed out on the rewards of authentic rewarding connections with people for most of my life. I keep asking myself what took me so long to get to this point, and am wondering what was the tipping point for others in just peacefully accepting their family members for who they are while moving on by creating rewarding relationships with those who can have intimate caring relationships and friendships.

[JNChell]

zachira, it sounds like you’re enjoying yourself. Maybe learning to outside of the foo? I say run with it.

Sounds like the guilt is possibly the biggest monkey on your back. They drilled it deep, didn’t they.

I try to deal with the same question that you’re asking yourself. Why couldn’t I have dealt with this earlier in life? I get it, but I have to be a hardass on myself and tell myself that “earlier in life” has passed.

I’m not sure what the tipping was. I don’t think that it’s a sticker on the calendar. It’s just one of those things that eventually make you go hmm...possibly after surrounding yourself with healthy and friendly people. Doing good.

[Methuen]

The last few weeks, I seem to have no desire to be around any of the family members with BPD and strong narcissistic traits. There doesn't seem to be much residual bitterness or sadness overwhelming me like in the past, I just genuinely do not want to be part of the family events nor want to have these type of people in my life.

Zachira, what you have described is sounding like acceptance, because it sounds like you are "letting go" perhaps?   At any rate I am genuinely happy for you as it sounds like you are moving forward.  

keep wondering how I could I have missed out on the rewards of authentic rewarding connections with people for most of my life. I keep asking myself what took me so long to get to this point,

I get this, but it sounds like maybe you could be gentle with yourself, and let go of the critic whispering otherwise.  Everything has its time.  

My therapist has told me that looking back brings depression, and fearing the future can bring anxiety, so better to just live in the present.  I really connected to that.  What's past is past.  You get to live your present with people who build each other up now, instead of the opposite.  That's a gift.  Enjoy the new adventure.

keep wondering how I could I have missed out on the rewards of authentic rewarding connections with people for most of my life. I keep asking myself what took me so long to get to this point,

Because it's so hard to let go of a dream and something we desire so much?  I think that's pretty normal, so please don't beat yourself up about it.  Just enjoy forging your new path forward.