Comparing Our Familly Wizard and CustodyXChange

[SamwizeGamgee]

Greetings,
I have crossed the line at which divorce seems inevitable, rather than a possibility.
In a lot of ways, that means fear and relief also for me.

I seem to be in a relatively rather good spot right now.  I can seize the opportunity to craft a parenting plan.  I have found Custody X Change, and Our Family Wizard for help in this.  Our couples T is familiar with OFW as her template. I liked the Custody X Change as user friendly.

Can I ask if you have used one or both of the systems?
I am first looking to generate the plan, but looking ahead, they might be used as our co-parenting calendar and messaging. 

Aside question for BPD context specifically:  I can see some use in systems like these, to regulate and communicate - and keep it BIFF.  But, I have a hunch that something with this good of a tracking, accounting, and detail record - it could be used as a method to control and abuse further.  Any opinions?
As it is, my wife can remember anything I've done wrong for decades, (although the truth of it might be based on her feelings and mood at the time) I'm not sure I want to give her more ammunition.

Thank you all, and good luck in your own journeys.

[SamwizeGamgee]

If linking is allowed:
https://www.custodyxchange.com/

OFW:
https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/families

[kells76]

As it is, my wife can remember anything I've done wrong for decades, [but has no accountability for her interpretation of your actions] (although the truth of it might be based on her feelings and mood at the time) I'm not sure I want to give her more ammunition.

One way of thinking about using CXC/OFW is that she's still going to do what she's always done -- misinterpret your actions, and use her misinterpretations of "proof" of her rightness -- but now, third party professionals will have a written record of her distortions. If the only way you interact with her is through one of those portals, and no other way, then professionals will see the whole picture of your interactions... and it's not going to look good for her.

Food for thought...

[PeteWitsend]

We use OFW.  it was written into our divorce decree as mandatory.

We don't use it exclusively; for minor or expedient purposes, we still text or email sometimes.  generally anything that can be the length of an email goes in OFW though.

I credit it with helping keep some guardrails around my XW's behavior.  she knows she's on the record when using it, and generally keeps herself self-censored.

it comes with a feature that alerts you to police your tone (for example if it detects profanity or insulting language) for an additional fee.  I didn't pay for this because I figured it would benefit her more than me.  so far though, we've generally been able to co-parent fine, although not cordially.  She hasn't tried to keep the kids from me, or affected my rights of possession, although she is for sure continuing to bad mouth me and my family. 

[SamwizeGamgee]

Thank you.  You offer good insights.
I opted to use CustodyXChange to generate the parenting plan.  It's a work in progress, but, the system seems useful.  I have to look at the agreement from several angles. How it would look to the court, to the wife.  How it would feel setting and keeping the boundaries.  How to enforce the boundaries.  How it could be use to blame or abuse me or the kids (or the grandparents and other family by extension).

I can see using OFW for the future planning and coordinating, and communication. I still am cautious about giving the wife too much material - but as Kells says,  a record might be a very good thing.  And PeteW, I do think having good behavior spelled out and defined by the parenting agreement might be good. It will give her some rules to cling too even during this super-threatening situation.

[livednlearned]

How detailed is the parenting plan?

[SamwizeGamgee]

I'm trying to gauge that now.  I've been filling in check marks to add or leave out certain verbiage, and can add my own paragraphs in each section. 
It seems to cover all the topics, but, not by far the more restrictive legal language.  Which might be good enough.  I want clear boundaries for some things, but not enough to tie us both down or incite a legal challenge soon down the road.

To answer your question fully, there is a free option that lets you start constructing your plan.  I'd refer you there for specific examples.
https://app.custodyxchange.com/a/parenting-plan/provisions

I found some phrasing I liked from our marriage [divorce] counselor. I'll go back over those sources shortly.