Living with SO and we're working to avoid a split

[flaviarsimple]

Hi,

I found this forum while looking for answers on how to improve a relationship where a partner has BPD. I wasn't expecting to post anywhere but I think this is a good idea.

My SO has BPD and we're on the verge of breaking up. We have had issues since we've been together, a little over a year now, and each time we've gotten past it. This time it has been more serious. The fighting is constant, the pain is constant for both of us, and I feel like we're not moving forward.

Our agreement right now is to stay together and work on it, though keeping our distance as much as possible. This has not gone particularly well. My goal is to get some space so we can both see the issues that we have together and individually, and work on them at a healthy pace. I'm starting to see that this might not be the best for my SO.

My SO sees this distance as me giving up on the relationship, losing love, and being cold. I'm trying to relay to her that I'm hurt so I need some time, that we have serious issues we need to address, and that I do have love - a lot of it.

I guess I'm looking for any sort of advice on how to get to a better, stable place. I'm working on my reactions to my SO to be calmer, but that can be difficult. I'm working on appearing like I'm not removed. Sometimes it just feels like my words aren't getting through.

Thank you in advance for any response.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

what is it that the two of you are fighting, and separated over?