is your BPD convinced that you are a Narcissist?

[soundofmusicgirl]

I know that my husbands BPD ex wife believes my husband is a narcissist. She believes that he is not interested in the kids but just wants to hurt her by wanting visits and shared custody.
I am trying to understand how a BPD can come to that conclusion.
My guess is that it is because they just can't see beyond their hurt?

In addition i think it is the "persecution syndrome".. everyone is out to get them.
Any thoughts?

[worriedStepmom]

They often believe their children are extensions of themselves.  So to her, your H is trying to take away part of her.

When H and I married, his ex sincerely thought he should abandon their daughter because I had two biokids.  She told him since I had two kids, he didn't need her (HIS) daughter anymore.   She also thought that any input he had in how their daughter was raised / school / medical decisions was an implication that she was an incompetent mother.

There's no reasoning with them.  The BPD thought patterns are unhealthy and illogical.

[zachira]

For a person with BPD, anybody who does not do what they want or see things their way is selfish.

[kells76]

Welcome back, soundofmusicgirl 

I wonder if there's also some projection going on. I.e., when she says stuff like "You don't even really like the kids. You just want to hurt me by not giving me full custody", try switching the pronouns from "you" to "I" to perhaps get a glimpse of something she feels inside, but won't acknowledge: "I struggle with truly valuing the kids. I want to hurt you through them via visitation and custody issues."

I bet it's a brew of everything that's been suggested so far -- the persecution complex, being blinded by their hurt, seeing the kids as extensions of themselves, unhealthy and illogical thought patterns, and "my way or the highway" selfishness.

[livednlearned]

Most of us have a hard time imagining things that are outside the scope of our experience.

It's not different for someone who can't conceive of genuine intimacy.

I wouldn't give it much weight unless you have some specific concerns that it's damaging the relationships between his daughters and him?

[MeandThee29]

Yes, it's part of the crazy that can go on.  Frankly I stopped trying to reason out things like this. They don't think like we do, and we don't want to think like they do either.

So I live my own truth and leave it there.