Feelings from my BF

[Brmd]

Hey,

Me and my BF have been through a lot with his BPD, he is taking good steps, engaging in his therapy etc and things are a lot better than they used to be before. However I've noticed since his medication began kicking in that's it almost like he feels nothing. He used to be so affectionate (when he was good), I understand that the mediation has stabilised his moods so the anger has also lowered which is good but it feels as though his emotions have too.

I know i should be acknowledging the progress but a part of me feels like i lost a part of him, if that even makes sense.

Just wondering if anyone has gone through anything like this?

Thanks

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[Learning_curve74]

Hi Brmd, I can identify with that. My exgf diagnosed both BPD and bipolar had taken mood stabilizers and antidepressants in the past. She didn't like some because they flattened her emotions like she couldn't feel anything bad or good. She gained was weight on another and didn't like it because of that.

I personally know over of the reasons I got together with my exgf was that crazy intense honeymoon phase. Because of my own issues, I easily fall totally head over heels for anybody that shows me affection early on, but I am anxious and panicky when the other person prefers to take it slow.

Have you heard of the "honeymoon phase" of relationships? This tends to happen for everybody.

[once removed]

getting on the path of therapy is going to affect a person in a lot of ways, too.

if hes received a diagnosis of BPD, it can be a life changing event...short term and long term, if not especially in the short term.

what part of him do you feel youve lost?

[Brmd]

Hey Learning_curve74 & once removed

Thanks so much for your reply.
Yes that's what my bf is like now, he has said he doesn't feel much at all however this has helped him in being able to naviagte through therapy which is good. I would be similar to yourself in that his obsessiveness and awe of me definitely grabbed me at the beginning, i try to remind myself that all that infatuation also came with intense anger and could easily switch to making me feel extremely worthless. I just can't help but miss how much love he use to bring, i feel like I've lost the that side of him and although we are happy it makes me question things (because of my own issues) it's hard to rationalise it all and i automatically think he is losing interest or doesn't love me how he use to. I try not to voice this much because he has already told me that none of that is true but as the saying goes "actions speak louder than words" it's hard to remind myself.

Yeah, the great ole honeymoon phase! I know that's normal for relationships I just feel that he went from 100 to 0 in terms of affection/endearment etc. Of course he is more at peace and happier now which is the main thing but it's almost like I'm slightly grieving what use to be, if that makes sense.

Sorry for the long winded reply!

[hopeandchoices]

Hey there,

I don't know if I have any advice as such, but I just wanted to say that I am pretty much in the EXACT same situation right now. Like completely. It's really hard right? I just keep trying to remind myself that for every day, week, month that goes by and the meds help him make improvements in Therapy, it will be getting him closer to a place where he's able to love more again. I guess it's just not possible when they're spending all their energy trying to fight their illness and dampened down with meds. But hopefully one day they'll be well enough to bring back love and affection in the day to day relationship. But I totally feel you, it's so hard, I feel the exact same way and often get very sad and nostalgic for the past. I really miss the affection and seeing love in his eyes when he looked at me. Sending lots of love to you, feel free to talk about it more - I am sure I will relate! Xxx

[once removed]

i spent a number of relationships chasing after the honeymoon phase of them. i can relate. it was like anything less meant my partners affections were waning, and id feel the highs and lows intensely. id be really needy and clingy.

its good that you recognize that this (a relationship not existing solely in the honeymoon phase) is a natural thing. adapting to that change is easier said than done.

it may help to learn to communicate this, and your needs, in particular ways. ways that dont necessarily come off as needy or obligatory.

for example, "i could really use some reassurance right now", if not overdone, will go a lot further than subtle moves, or passive aggression, or expectations of mind reading, which is what a lot of people resort to in relationships.

at the same time, as i said, the path of therapy is life changing. that he says he cant feel anything is indicative. a lot of people in therapy report this. so do a lot of people on new medications. this period may mean, for a time, that he is going to be less attentive, or able to fulfill your needs. thats often the case for someone in crisis or in need of support.

it may be, for a time, that you really ought to build up, and spread out your support system.