Raising our granddaughter, daughter of our BPD daughter

[Mil8]

Hi Community,
This is my first post as I just learned of this site after reading Walking on Eggshells (finally!) Our 28 year old daughter (my step-daughter) has BPD. She has never been diagnosed but I’m positive she has it!
My husband & I have had guardianship of our granddaughter since she was an infant. She is now 7. Our daughter has always been in her life but in the beginning had many unstable times where we couldn’t allow her to see her or take her. It’s of course been a roller coaster of good and bad times.
Our daughter is now petitioning to have our guardianship orders terminated and to get full custody back. We have hired an atty, a GAL is involved as is a social worker now. Our goal is not and has Never been to keep our GD away from her mom, it’s been to protect her from the unstableness of her mother. Our daughter shares way too much with our GD about this situation and involves her in things a 7yo shouldn’t worry about.
I feel so alone in all of this as I don’t know any other grandparents raising their Grandchild & dealing with a BPD daughter. I NEED people that can relate.
I’m terrified of our daughter getting her rights back b/c if and when something doesn’t go right in her life she may just get up and move with our granddaughter. She creates unstable living environment for her but the court orders literally don’t have “ for the best interest of the child” written in their laws. It’s only about IF the parent is “fit & able” and the bar is set very low. I’m afraid If she get rights back AND if she doesn’t. Because she will still see her daughter weekly and we can’t control what she says to her and how she brainwashes her.
I could go on forever it feels like but this is a good idea of what I have going on in my life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Mil8 and welcome 

You've come to the right place for understanding and support, you are not alone.   
It certainly helps to talk, there is much wisdom here and world class resources. And thousands of hugs 

It's been a roller coaster Mil8 and I hear you are scared, whatever the outcome. What behaviours led to you seeking custody? It can help us to know what you are dealing with your daughter. Does she recognise her struggles?

Your GD is lucky to have you in her life, things can get better.

Small steps, day by day.

WDx