Confused

[Kelly5116]

my first post, so it might be all over the map.

 a bit of back story first might help.

I think my BF has BDP, at first I thought it might be complex PTSD, he has a lot of trauma in his life
Our relationship is less then a year old and it started out extremely intense.

I quickly discovered that he has a substance abuse problem. mostly alcohol. He  has several beers a day. Not a lot to some, but I think it's not healthy.

Now,
He seems to either love me and is caring, amazingly compassionate or hates me and I'm being very mean to him. He keeps accusing me of saying or doing things that would never cross my mind. Or the infamous, after what you did, and I honestly have no idea what he's talking about.

when Covid hit, he was having financial problems so I let him stay in my home. Sigh, this is when things got bad. His mood swings are by the hour and he's not handling the stress of the world's problems.

I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells, he's had a couple of very nasty episodes of losing his temper.. which scared me. He was truly remorseful and admitted he lost control.

I told him he needed to seek professional help from a mental health professional. He didn't agree he blamed it on covid stress.

then we had another little episode, I didn't react this time and just left the room. I later showed him some stuff on BDP and asked him if he thought it fit how he feels, he said.. this is me and I've been like this my whole life. I thought we got somewhere. I mentioned a program at CAMH in toronto. He lost it, and started to rant.

I didn't find this site until after, otherwise I might never have tried to talk to him about it.

I don't think I'm co-dependent. I realize this is his problem and I can't fix him. I thought if he was open to getting help, then maybe. But I've gotten the cold shoulder since I mentioned the treatment program over a week ago.

I think its time to get him to leave. I'm scared to ask and not sure how to go about moving forward. I'm afraid to set him off again. I honestly keep waiting for him to get mad again and say we're done, which he has in the past, SO I can say..yeah its a good idea.

there are so many issues I could go on forever, but I just want to move forward.
SIGH, I'm tired and exhausted

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

I'm so glad you found us in your time of distress.

I'm positive we can help you navigate these tricky waters better.

It seems you understand that "the close you get", the worse the symptoms are.  Do you agree with that? (your experience with him moving in)

BPD is an issue that affects intimacy.

How certain are you that it's time for him to move out?

I am certain that you need to be prepared (we can help) for that conversation if you decide to go that way.

Can you spend some time in this lesson?

https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

Please stick around and let us get to know you more.  You've found a safe place to talk and learn.

Best,

FF

[Kelly5116]

Thanks for your reply

I haven’t read that link, I’ll do that now

I just feel like I can’t take much more of the rollercoaster, it’s affecting my mental health and my work productive, I work from home and I can’t focus well when he’s around ( I’m always anticipating what’s going to happen next.)

[once removed]

how long have the two of you been together?

its going to pay to educate yourself as much as possible when it comes to BPD traits (whichever way you are leaning, go into this with eyes wide open). a lot of what you are experiencing, members have in common here. i dealt with a lot of similar conflict myself.

if you want to save this? youre going to have to really get into the nature of the conflict between the two of you, learn ways to stop the bleeding, and begin to approach things in new ways...the tools here will help. because otherwise, things are likely to deteriorate.

tell us more about the last big fight between the two of you, some of the back and forth. it would be a good place to start. we can walk you through it.