Been blocked, said he never wanted to hear from me again..share your experiences

[hurtinggirl1]

Hey, I posted the other day but there’s questions running round my mind, it’s driving me insane and the heartache is like no other...

Did your ex block you? My ex ended it and blocked me immediately. It’s happened before but it would range from a few hours to max has been 2 weeks when we had a big argument. This time it’s been almost 3 weeks..admittedly I was crazy I rang him on unknown numbers, etc. Then I’d go silent for max. 2 days and ring again hoping he’d calm down. He was angry to begin, quite rude. I would try and try. Then the second attempt He answered he listened to me for a bit and didn’t say anything except that he did care. Then the final time he was SO hurtful, even telling me he’d already slept with someone. Telling me such cruel things he know would hurt me.

I think deep down I know it’s over but there’s this niggling inside of me thinking he’ll come back like he always did. But this time it’s been ages and he’s adamant he does NOT care about me..

It’s been 3 days now. I’m struggling but i keep reminding myself if he doesn’t care then it’s his loss..I know some people say BPD love is different, but I do think he did love me..I stupidly re read an old text of when we’d argued before and he was like “I care more than you think” and “I know you love me I don’t know how you put up with my moods”, etc..

The last he said was he never wants to talk to me again. He had said he’d deleted everything about me even my number, but that turned out to be a lie because he unblocked me on whatsapp to send a horrible message

Also, when he has a lot of time to himself (which it doesn’t seem recently he’s been with his friends and I guess seeing girls. He’s always had a long list of girls he said ‘he’d never get feelings for’ so it’s easy just to see them now and again for sex) he seems to think about me. He stupidly got arrested about a month ago as he was caught speeding and he had smoked cannabis shortly before. I was worried as I hadn’t heard from him. The next morning I woke up to messages saying he’d been thinking about me the whole time and how much I meant to him. He also rang me and said the same, saying how much he thought about me and just wanted to call.

I’m so broken. I miss him so much despite all the bad things. Please share your experiences...

[alittleawkward]

Hurting, your last statement rings so true. Despite all the terrible things my ex put me through, I miss her company dearly, every single day.

Let me go through your post chronologically.

My ex did block me, but I also blocked her on multiple occasions. For a good 5 months or so we had a constant back and forth of pretty venomous debates. One would block the other for a fortnight or so, then spark up conversation once unblocked. Bitsy conversation would ensue for a fortnight until one of us would become triggered, and the blocking would occur again.

BPDs are incredibly good at reading peoples emotions - and often use their gift to manipulate people too. Your ex has probably been hurt by your split up more than you can imagine as BPDs tend to experience a much more heightened sense of emotions, and in that moment of stress and pain, tried to show you some of his hurt.

Re-reading old texts is something I did regularly for a very long time - far too long for any good to come of it. Sometimes I found comfort and solace in reading our old moments of bonding, but more often than not it would cause so much more pain than good emotions, and ultimately I am glad I built up the strength to just wipe them all clean. It may be too soon for you to do that yet, but reading these texts is like picking at the scab of a wound. It'll only cause more pain and make the healing take longer.

BPDs, like any person, will think about their ex, especially so soon in a split up. My ex would tweet about me near enough daily for the best part of 8 months after our split - even though she had (apparently) gone out with 5 other people in the mean time! It was vital for me to learn to block it out - ignore it - do whatever I needed to do to get on with my life without being dragged down by my exes emotional weight. I couldn't recommend enough for others to do similar who are also going through that, as soon as they possibly can.

If I could get my ex to just be my friend again I would take that opportunity in a blink of an eye. The trouble is I've been painted black, and despite having many conversations with my ex post-split, it doesn't seem realistic to hope/wait for that to change. When you take on a BPDs baggage, it's very much all or nothing. They may come back and test you to see if you'll take the bait of their partnership again, but once you resist enough, they will go and fish a different spot. Once you've entered the devaluation stage, it is largely doom and gloom. Of course, there are stories and examples where this is certainly not the case, but those aren't without huge amounts of work.

It is totally normal to miss your ex, no matter what the dynamic of the relationship was. But ask yourself: would you rather relive the most painful parts of your relationship every single day, or be able to find happiness and content with yourself.

[Martin 123]

Ive been blocked here. We had a tense week. On saturday she decides to go to a party and takes mdma. After some comment i make she freaked out and ignores me until i leave pissed. The next monday she asks for her stuff and two days later blocks me. This was a week after inviting her to a dream vacation. I was falsely accused and every single detail from small arguments we had in the past were magnified. The worst was the indifference. I messaged from another phone after a month being, shock and depressed..  She threatened me with asking for a restraining order. Only after that i found out about bpd. And how it matched almost every criteria. The most strong one was her being sexually abused by her mother.. 4 months later im thinking id never go back because i mainly did everything in that relationship to keep it going. It was like having a relationship with a toddler.

[DizzyD]

Hey I’m new to the site but gone through many cycles with my expwbpd. The discard this time was much more personal. I called her out on her drug and alcohol misuse and her response was an onslaught of the most vile and disgusting text messages she has ever sent. I took an OD last year and she said she wished I had of died.  I’ve had to sit with my moral compass this time and I’ve blocked her and upon doing so I could see she had blocked me. It doesn’t matter if she unblocks me, I’m not there and at this moment in time I hope she see’s that. There’s no way back from that.