Relationships

[Nicole1065084]

I struggle to maintain relationships with family, friends, and even my partner. Its becoming too much to deal with and im seeking help. Ive tried to isolate less and out myself out there but my constant mood swings make it hard. One second I want to socialize and put myself out there and the next minute I get angry when im trying to be alone due to being depressed. I shut people out of my life for no reason and then I either cant get them back or I feel so bad about it I never talk to them again and I feel guilty. I refuse to get professional help even though I need it because I guarentee it will change my whole life and I dont know if im ready for that. In relationships theyre always amazing and short because I love then more than anything and then I overthink about something that doesnt even matter and I get mad at them for no reason. I leave them or they leave me and then afterwards I regret any problems I caused. I want love, I want to love and be loved but im feeling like that isnt possible at this point. I've had so many relationships in two years and they all lasted either a week or a day the longest one was a month and yet I still messed it up.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hopeandbelief]

Hey there! Welcome to the board, I hope this place can help you somehow! Most of us are caught on the other side of the situation, but despite all the hurt we suffer during our relationships, I guess almost everyone here can imagine how painful and difficult must be to live with BPD.

I'm somewhat new here as well so I'll probably not have many words of wisdom for you. It may come as a bit selfish on my part but I'm always SO curious to hear more about people dealing with the BPD themselves, because most of the internet stories are about the people who were hurt by the BPD partner. I know every person is different but sometimes I wish we could have more access and resources from people that actually deal with the disorder, so feel free if you want to talk or tell us a bit more about your own situation.

Your realtionship pattern looks a lot like the one my ex-partner had: really intense, short relationships where she suddendly decides to jumps off for one reason or another. I still struggle to this day about trying to know how she really feels/felt about me and it's so, so tough to not be able to have a better kind of closure or discussion about the whole situation with her.

What I can tell you is that therapy is indeed a difficult step to take and it will probably be a long proccess but it's so worth it! Take your time and find a professional you can really relate and trust, and I guess this will be a very good first step towards a happier life.

Wishing you all the best and once again, welcome to the board! I'm sure other members will be able to provide a better, more helpful answer than mine!