Am I still deluded...

[Gyp]

My almost 32 year old daughter was (finally) diagnosed with BPD in Nov 2019. She is just about to begin DBT.  A previous psychologist believes she can heal and have a functional life. I have hung onto that. I feel more hopeful of that than ever, especially given I will retire in a year or two. I wonder if I am (once again) clinging to hope that might not be real, yet the diagnosis does bring much more acceptance of what is, access to the right information, and understanding. In many ways i feel relieved and thankful.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Gyp  and welcome!

I picked up on the word "(finally)" in your post.  I'll just bet you, like the rest of us here, could tell many stories of the journey you have shared with this 32-year-old daughter of yours.

Indeed there is much to be thankful for if she is about to begin DBT.  Even agreeing to embark in it is a biggie.     So many stay in denial..."I'm not the problem...your are!"...is something that is heard a lot.

It is encouraging, too, that you have heard a psychologist tell you that she can heal and have a functional life...very encouraging!

For sure there is a lot of work ahead for her and her perseverance is going to be key...but there is also work ahead for you.  Have you ever had counselling for yourself...spoken to a professional about how to better deal with her BPD behaviours?  Have you read any books on the illness?  Tons of information is on this website with links to more.

We all live with hope for better futures with these troubled loved ones of ours but it is best not to try to set up a future that YOU want it to be...then have great disappointment when things turn out differently.

Once again, welcome.  Hope you become more and more comfortable in sharing in this forum as things go forward with your daughter.   We really do learn from each other here...what is working...what isn't working.  Mainly it is feeling the support we get from others as we make changes in ourselves.

Huat

[Gyp]

Thanks so much for that encouraging response! Yes lots of stories about the past and the disconnect between mother and daughter as they find adulthood (even without a behavioural problem). Im reading Stop walking on eggshells which is what brought me here - fabulous book. Yes I have sought support for myself but sadly on the last occasion I got the impression that as long I was operating in all aspects of my life, they were busy with covid so I had a 'choice' to book again or ring in the future. Needless to say I didn't book again. However,  that also led me to the book so perhaps for the time being that is the path. My sister has also become interested in the reasons for her behaviour which is an interesting outcome. 

[Huat]

More than welcome, Gyp!   It is always a pleasure to connect with a "Newbie."

"Stop Walking on Eggshells" is one of many good books.  I did buy that one but managed to borrow others from our local library.  Mind you, due to our present "circumstance"...libraries in your area may not be open.  That shouldn't stop you from moving on, though, because this website abounds with info...even videos...and there are links to more.

So...jump in whenever with whatever you feel like sharing or, now that your feet are wet, giving support to someone else.  Your story is important because it will resonate with so many who walk in similar shoes.

Better days can be ahead, Gyp, but just as your daughter has got her work ahead of her, so do you.  She is about to begin DBT...does the organization include you in any way?

Huat

[Gyp]

Huat, im not aware at this point that the dbt therapy organisation will include me. I doubt it but I will look out for that opportunity.  I will certainly come back to read and post as things move along, halt at times (maybe a lot!) and move on again.