Going non-contact with parents. What about my children?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Sadly,

I believe I have reached the end of my relationship with my mother. My question is about my children (grandchildren)

My mom told me that my grandparents "always hated her".  Growing up I was constantly reading into. Studying how they treated my mom, worried about it. Now I honestly wonder if any of that was even true.

My dream would have been for my children and my parents to have a wonderful relationship, but the erratic behaviour from my mom towards me is making it very hard.

I have decided to go non-contact (I need to heal!) but i don't want to keep my children from there grandparents.

Do I keep it a total secret?
Do I let my husband just bring they over for visits?

I really just don't know...any advise would help. Really feeling terrible that my kids have to go through a similar experience that I did growing up. How can I make this okay for them?

[Kermit]

Sadly,

I believe I have reached the end of my relationship with my mother. My question is about my children (grandchildren)

My mom told me that my grandparents "always hated her".  Growing up I was constantly reading into. Studying how they treated my mom, worried about it. Now I honestly wonder if any of that was even true.

My dream would have been for my children and my parents to have a wonderful relationship, but the erratic behaviour from my mom towards me is making it very hard.

I have decided to go non-contact (I need to heal!) but i don't want to keep my children from there grandparents.

Do I keep it a total secret?
Do I let my husband just bring they over for visits?

I really just don't know...any advise would help. Really feeling terrible that my kids have to go through a similar experience that I did growing up. How can I make this okay for them?

[Panda39]

Hi Kermit,

I just have some questions...

Are you letting your kids have contact with an idealized version of grandparents (that you wished you had) or base on a realistic view of your mom? 

If she is abusive to you why would she magically change and be different towards your children?

How old are your kids and how does your mom currently behave towards them?

Do your kids see their dad's parents?

Really feeling terrible that my kids have to go through a similar experience that I did growing up

Is your kids seeing your mom more about your feelings or theirs?
How often do your children see your mom now and how do they feel about her?
Is sending your kids to your mom's about FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt)?

Just some stuff to think about.

Panda39

[zachira]

Can you tell us more about the relationship your children have with their grandparents? Would your children be sad if they didn't see their grandparents anymore? If your mother has mistreated you, and your father gone along with how your mother treats you, than I would be concerned how your children might get treated when left alone with the grandparents.