(you can read my story here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=345222)
Today, after over a month of NC (and a single meeting 1,5 week ago), I've met with my BPD wife to discuss the details regarding the divorce. She'll come to take the rest of her stuff later this week, all in all it was quite amicable. I admit I had to took a 0,5 mg of alprazolam before the meeting to keep my cool and I thought that went well - but as soon as I've arrived home I just crumbled down.
I miss her dearly. I had a sliver of hope that maybe she has some doubts and despite me having done my share of arrangements, she'd like to slow the divorce proceedings down. She was the best (and the worst) thing to ever happen to me. Never in the last couple of months has it felt so final to lose her forever - and I'm crying my heart out thinking about it.
I hate the fact that I still hold on to some hope of her either changing her mind or just realizing what really happened as she's taking therapy. I hate it that she suggested that one day we could again be together.
I have good things coming my way career-wise and financially; I've started taking care of myself, lost 26 pounds, did some quite nice changes to the way I look.
With all that in mind, I feel like I no longer have anything good coming my way when it comes to romantic relationships - and the thought of the love of my life leaving is just unbearable. Is it wrong for me to keep hoping?
