Is it possible to not engage in the outbursts and keep a good marriage?

[Diddle]

I have read so many positive comments on various threads on here, about managing my now boundaries, creating some time for self care for myself, to not make the sudden explosive situations worse, by using certain tools...

...but for those of you that are doing this, and trying to navigate the way. Is this helping your marriage? are you better connected with your partner or just softening the blow for yourself and making life more liveable?

I am trying to know what direction to take. My DBpdH was diagnosed last week, after me suggesting it may be bpd from the accounts of real life on here.  He will be on medication and receive therapy. We have been together for 19 yrs, and our relationship has followed a pretty intense pattern that I know you all know well. Whilst its promising he is willing to try, I did give him an ultimatum, and told him I would leave if he didn't seek help (so knowing what I know about bpd, this is what he wants to avoid) he has been on medication before and offered therapy but never chased it up.

We have 3 children 11, 12 & 14, and I see this effecting them, I see them being treated the way I am, and they are very aware of the way my H treats me.

No choice feels like the right one, so I am trying to get as much info from here as I can.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.