Just found out about BPD today

[Izcuchaca]

My wife and I have been going through some difficult times over the last year navigating her mental health.  She started seeing a therapist around 6 months ago which felt like a big breakthrough for me.  However it hasn’t actually been getting any better but honestly feels like it has gotten a bit worse.  It’s felt like she has been using things her therapist says as weapons against me lately.  Today I saw a messaged posted in a local community chat room focused on discussing mental health asking about BPD.  Intrigued since I had never heard of it before I started reading the Wikipedia page and was astonished at how much it seemed to describe my wife.  I began to dig deeper and the more I dug the more I started to feel a light bulb turning on that this might be able to provide answers for me and my spouse.  I decided to start reading some more and began with “Stop walking on eggshells”.  Immediately after starting the book I found myself in tears.  Everything was starting to make sense.  Obviously I am no professionally licensed therapist qualified to make that kind of diagnosis.  But this has felt like a huge breakthrough for me.  My question is what should I do next?  Should I try and meet with her therapist on my own and share all of this with her?  Should I encourage her to find a different therapist since her current one seems to be enabling some of her behavior?  (She might be doing so because she isn’t aware of the the possible BPD).

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[pursuingJoy]

lzcuchaca, welcome.  It's not just overwhelming to learn about BPD, it's pretty common to feel a sense of urgency to do something. Hang in there. You have a new piece of the puzzle.

My question is what should I do next?  Should I try and meet with her therapist on my own and share all of this with her?  Should I encourage her to find a different therapist since her current one seems to be enabling some of her behavior?  (She might be doing so because she isn’t aware of the the possible BPD).

There's a chance the therapist already suspects or knows about BPD, esp if your wife exhibits clear behaviors. It's also possible that your wife is choosing what she feels are supportive statements and discarding any of the T's challenging statements.

Do you think your wife would be open to allowing you into her counseling sessions? Some people see this as a supportive step. Others might feel like you're trying to encroach on their support system.

[start_again]

lzcuchaca, welcome…
I can identify with your story.  I too read the book Stop walking on eggshells” and had an awaking if you will.  So what I did next was started the blame game and feeling sorry for myself.   You can probably figure out how well that worked out for me.  Venting all my problems was another one of my go-tos – not productive for me.
It wasn’t until I started to change me and how I think and my expectations, then things get better for me.  I am a work in process – slow and steady.  I finally figured out it isn’t all about me.  How can I be a light when it is dark?  I can only change myself not others.  When things are real bad “what is the next right thing I can do”.  History tells me that this too shall pass. 
I stopped going to counseling with my SO because the counseling made it worse.   
Again welcome keep posting  and reading…