Need an outlet

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi. I have been dating a man with BPD for 2 years. I diagnosed him shortly after we started dating.  I had never heard of BPD before but started to google how he was acting and came up with BPD.  He found a therapist and she officially diagnosed him with BPD. He has been seeing her for over a year.  I have seen progress but it is slow.  I feel so alone because I cannot talk to my family or friends about it because they would tell me to leave.  I would too if I was them.  There has been some physical abuse (hitting, pushing, grabbing my face, neck) and definitely emotional/verbal abuse while he is splitting.  When he is splitting he threatens to destroy my career and family. Most of me knows he doesn't mean but a small part of me is scared. He has destroyed computers, torn books, ripped necklaces off my neck,...  I love him more than I have ever loved anyone and I am in my 40s and have been married before.  I have a young kid.  These episodes are rarely in front of my kid, otherwise I would not be here posting.  Of course when he is not splitting, he is the greatest. It took me a while to realize how I am scared over silly things, like missing his calls or texts, worried how I sound of the phone because he will take it personally that I hate him, wearing certain clothes or makeup, making my bed, because everything is a sign to him or means something. Not just that I felt like wearing lipstick that day.  I try to be patient; I know he had a horrible childhood which triggered this.  I have isolated myself which I have read is common to do in this situation.  I have questioned if I am the person he describes while he is splitting.  Maybe I am not the nice easy going person I thought I was.  I fear that my life will be chaos with him. He sounds horrible in this post but he is not or I would have left him a long time ago. I needed to get this off my chest.

[Mgholly]

Hi. I have been dating a man with BPD for 2 years. I diagnosed him shortly after we started dating.  I had never heard of BPD before but started to google how he was acting and came up with BPD.  He found a therapist and she officially diagnosed him with BPD. He has been seeing her for over a year.  I have seen progress but it is slow.  I feel so alone because I cannot talk to my family or friends about it because they would tell me to leave.  I would too if I was them.  There has been some physical abuse (hitting, pushing, grabbing my face, neck) and definitely emotional/verbal abuse while he is splitting.  When he is splitting he threatens to destroy my career and family. Most of me knows he doesn't mean but a small part of me is scared. He has destroyed computers, torn books, ripped necklaces off my neck,...  I love him more than I have ever loved anyone and I am in my 40s and have been married before.  I have a young kid.  These episodes are rarely in front of my kid, otherwise I would not be here posting.  Of course when he is not splitting, he is the greatest. It took me a while to realize how I am scared over silly things, like missing his calls or texts, worried how I sound of the phone because he will take it personally that I hate him, wearing certain clothes or makeup, making my bed, because everything is a sign to him or means something. Not just that I felt like wearing lipstick that day.  I try to be patient; I know he had a horrible childhood which triggered this.  I have isolated myself which I have read is common to do in this situation.  I have questioned if I am the person he describes while he is splitting.  Maybe I am not the nice easy going person I thought I was.  I fear that my life will be chaos with him. He sounds horrible in this post but he is not or I would have left him a long time ago. I needed to get this off my chest.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SeekPeace]

Hi!
I just want to say thank you for your post, reading it actually helped me a lot. I’m wondering how you went about bringing up BPD with your partner? I have strong suspicions that my bf may have BPD but not sure how to get him to consider it.
I soo relate to the part where you said you realise you feel scared about silly things like missing his calls or what you’re wearing, ughhh. Sometimes it just feels like too much work. Anyway knowing that there are other people out there dealing with similar situations sure helps

[Mgholly]

Hi!
It was not easy, when I first approached him with it, he was defensive.  He said that no one else complained, so it must be me.  I said maybe that is true, but I have never fought with anyone else like this before. I then showed him the symptoms and he was still hesitant.  It wasn't until a few days later, we had a terrible fight where he was physical with me and told him I was breaking up with him unless he got help. So he agreed - he felt like a monster.  He found a therapist and she diagnosed him with it.  He accepted it then, but he was horrified at having the label.  When you read about it, people with BPD sound horrible, and he did not want to be that person. He got lucky with his therapist. They talk everyday, he sees her a few times a week for several hours each session.  So it is a time commitment.  He is learning to recognize when he is splitting and how to stop it. He is working on how to control the rage he gets when his splitting gets the best of him.  It has been over a year and the progress is slow, but there is progress.  He is thankful now that he is aware of this because he sees how it has affected his family and business relationships.  Good luck SeekPeace.