My child has all traits of BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello!
I don't honestly even know how to begin my story.  My daughter has had problems since she was a child but it wasn't until the past 4 years or so that we really began to look at BPD only because an ex boyfriend brought this disorder to our attention. He recognized signs during their relationship and definiely after the break up.
We always realized she was manipulative, lied about my husband and I to others, and lied to us about her friends, her dad, and others. She would really idolize a new friend only to end up hating them soon after. She was quick to anger and would get aggressive at times. We have had her in counseling a number of times but she always lies to them.  Recently a situation occurred where she became extremely mad, screaming at the top of her lungs at me, and aggressive. I asked her to leave our home and move out. She moved out and now hates me again.  (I have dealt with this love/hate since she was a child). 
She admitted to me that she has a pot addiction which began this summer with the ex boyfriend.  I have spoken to him and he confirms.  She admitted she smoked pot off and on since high school. We always thought she had but could never catch her or confirm.
She first discussed suicide at the age of 10.  This led to numerous counseling sessions.  She tried committing suicide in 2016 using prescription medications (depression and tramadol).  She was in a relationship with a guy who was addicted to meth and was in and out of jail.  He was leaving her which is why we feel she tried suicide. She was admitted to the psychiatric ward for a week where we first leanred that she was also cutting and in a sex cult. This was shocking to us!  During that week she loved and hated me.  It was an emotional roller coaster.  After discharge, her father took her to his home in another state to live.  I rebuilt a phone relationship with her.
She moved back near us this past December.  We thought she was doing better only to find out she is not.  Upon ending another tumultous relationship this summer which lead to her living with my husband and I, she ended up moving out the beginning of Oct and now hates me again.
I am heartbroken again and now realize that I need to get help for myself.  I am buying books on BPD, seeking counseling from a psychologist who specializes in BPD, and trying to further educate myself on how to deal with my daughter. 
Thanks for listening!

[FHL]

Hello!
I don't honestly even know how to begin my story.  My daughter has had problems since she was a child but it wasn't until the past 4 years or so that we really began to look at BPD only because an ex boyfriend brought this disorder to our attention. He recognized signs during their relationship and definiely after the break up.
We always realized she was manipulative, lied about my husband and I to others, and lied to us about her friends, her dad, and others. She would really idolize a new friend only to end up hating them soon after. She was quick to anger and would get aggressive at times. We have had her in counseling a number of times but she always lies to them.  Recently a situation occurred where she became extremely mad, screaming at the top of her lungs at me, and aggressive. I asked her to leave our home and move out. She moved out and now hates me again.  (I have dealt with this love/hate since she was a child). 
She admitted to me that she has a pot addiction which began this summer with the ex boyfriend.  I have spoken to him and he confirms.  She admitted she smoked pot off and on since high school. We always thought she had but could never catch her or confirm.
She first discussed suicide at the age of 10.  This led to numerous counseling sessions.  She tried committing suicide in 2016 using prescription medications (depression and tramadol).  She was in a relationship with a guy who was addicted to meth and was in and out of jail.  He was leaving her which is why we feel she tried suicide. She was admitted to the psychiatric ward for a week where we first leanred that she was also cutting and in a sex cult. This was shocking to us!  During that week she loved and hated me.  It was an emotional roller coaster.  After discharge, her father took her to his home in another state to live.  I rebuilt a phone relationship with her.
She moved back near us this past December.  We thought she was doing better only to find out she is not.  Upon ending another tumultous relationship this summer which lead to her living with my husband and I, she ended up moving out the beginning of Oct and now hates me again.
I am heartbroken again and now realize that I need to get help for myself.  I am buying books on BPD, seeking counseling from a psychologist who specializes in BPD, and trying to further educate myself on how to deal with my daughter. 
Thanks for listening!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello FHL...welcome

You hit the nail on the head when you wrote..."...I need to get help for myself."  There should be no guilt whatsoever as you move in that direction.  You can't help anyone else if you are depleted.

We have been on our journey with our daughter for a long time.  Every now and then there seems to be a break-through but then comes the rage at something she picks up on...leaving us trying to figure it all out...wondering if we were in the same room when the "sin" was committed.  Actually, it is only me, her Mom, who is her nemesis.   Her Dad (my husband) can do no wrong.

Our daughter started to smoke marijuana when she was just a young teen...about the time our problems with her started.  Thankfully she got in with a different crowd of kids and that came to an end...but not the problems.  I strongly suspect  that, in her case, her developing brain was affected as she experimented. 

You mentioned how she will love you then hate you.  The first book that was recommended to me was "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me."  I cried as I read through that book because it described the hell that we were living through...and quite possibly "it" had a name.  My research continued...more books...counselling for us, her parents.  While she has gone to numerous counsellors over the years, she has never been officially diagnosed as having BPD...but the check marks are there.  The biggest part of my healing was coming to terms with what is...IS.  The dreams I had for that wonderful future with my daughter dragged me down for years.

Sadly we are about to embark on the 5th year of being estranged from her.  When all the scare of Covid hit us, she sent a 1-line email offering assistance...just the one sentence, mind you.  When we reached back there was silence for a long time then came the long, raging emails.

So, as I read those final sentences of yours I think...You go girl!  You certainly are on the right track...and besides, great that you are here!   We learn from each other in this caring community. 

Once again...welcome!

Huat