Child with BPD, bipolar and ODD

[GDT2020]

Hello,

My child has borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. My wife and I are struggling to cope with this. She is on medication and currently in a day treatment program because she can’t function in school. We want the best for her but we trying to get her the help she needs which is tough. Our careers are in jeopardy dealing with our situation. I look forward to reading tips on how to cope with this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome.
It is great your daughter is getting treatment.   Is she a minor , by the way?
Everyone's story is a bit different here and you can click onto anyone's name here to get their previous posts/ backstory.  The first step though is one you have realized  already- that you are equally as important as the ill family member.
My story is different from yours in that I was a single parent when illness hit my son in 4th grade.  He got completely dysregulated when puberty hit and his father had to get involved.  From there the son had to be entered into a therapeutic hospital, etc. 
So for the longest time I devoted my life to "rescuing"  and saving the son from himself.  I felt massive guilt that I let him down due to divorce, etc.

The biggest help to you would be to read up all you can on BPD  ( Stop Walking on Eggshells is a good book to start with).  If your child is a minor, work with her therapist .  It also helped me to have my own therapist in order to cope.   I now attend 12 step programs ( free and online) such as Nar anon and al- anon, for they teach the principles of detachment and not becoming enmeshed.

I truly understand your job situation. In my particular case, my job was understanding and more family friendly. Not everyone has that with their job / supervisor, though.    Read up on your employee  handbook on caretaking and lean on your Employee Assistance Program. Create a little back up plan - if possible , have 1- 2 co workers you can count on in case you have to leave work due to emergency.
Last but not least, you and your spouse will need down time or else your heads will explode.  Can you both work together on this- for example certain times of day or week when at home, you both can alternate main caretaking duties?   When it is your time off do something like exercise, a hobby. This is crucial and not a waste of time ; it is so easy to get swooped up into your child's illness where you don't know where you begin and her illness ends. 
Thanks for joining us- you are not alone.