My BPD friend is giving me mixed signals and i don't know what to do anymore...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey everyone. I am new here. I didn't know where to post this because i didn't see any boards pertaining to friends, so i hope this place is alright.. Anyway, I want to tell you all that i am descriptive with my writing, and i may over share because i really care and want to get down to details.

So, i will write what happened--

About over a month ago my BPD best friend told me that she was having coughing fits, and i told that i hope she's going to feel better. Then, a few days later, on the day that we were supposed to hang out she tells me that she had to cancel plans because she ended up in the hospital from coughing so much. I felt really worried for her and asked her what happened... she told me she ended up in the hospital because of her smoking so much those past few days.

It was at that moment that i fell into a state of irrationality, and i stupidly started telling her that she needed to start to quit smoking.. I say irrational because, well, i am sure you all know that BPD sufferers don't like advice... Anyway, after that she says that i didn't and never believed her (something i don't have any recollections of ever saying) and that she needed to stay smoking because she would go back to cutting, and then proceeded to send a picture of the scars on her wrist from months ago (this was all done over a messaging app fyi. She's an internet friend.), and just started to try to cause a fight with me, all because i cared about her condition and wanted to try to show her that i cared, hopefully to convince her to stop smoking... She kept nitpicking at every little thing i said afterwards.. She then told me that she was going to bed and then i kept bringing things up, but then she kept going at it as well, and i somehow violated her trust or something because she then said she was going to block me if i don't stop..

A couple days later she hanged out with me because it was my birthday, and all seemed fine.. that was until i mentioned that does she forgive me for how i acted and she said "i'll think about it" and that she does not have the patience to discuss it with me at that moment. I was left cold. I didn't know how to perceive that line. I just cared for her, why would she be this way; why would she not forgive me for being irrational one day.. People make mistakes.

A few days afterwards she began going cold on me by not replying to any of my messages. Then one day she replies and starts nitpicking at everything i say... literally everything i said had some negative connotation somehow, and i was somehow being seen as someone who didn't know what they were talking about with every little thing i said. She kept this up until she blew up at me, told me to leave her alone, and then made another conclusive statement about how she's going to end the friendship. She then said she needed time away from me and that i needed to work on the flaws she pointed out and was the cause for the arguments, and that lasted all the way up until Christmas where we exchanged some gift ideas that i wanted to possibly give her.

After that we didn't talk until New Years where i wished her a happy New Years. I mentioned to her during that time that if we could possibly talk on the phone and she no that she's doing xtc with her friends. Another period of time passed where we didn't talk, and in the time frame between that day i told her that i missed her and that i was feeling depressed from all of this... a few hours later she responded to me that i needed to stop and leave her alone and that because it makes her feel guilty and that i should keep it to myself and work on my own stuff.

A couple days later she finally told me hello and we began talking again, and the first thing she pointed out was me mentioning that i missed her and felt deoressed.. she told me that wasn't healthy, and that she was taken very aback by my reaction.. Then came the conversations, or attempts at it, and with them came lots of nitpicking where seemingly everything i said was having negative connotations attached to them. Then she proceeded to tell me that i haven't been working on myself nor changed even though i have been working on the flaws she has pointed out to me before. It felt like i was walking on eggshells the whole time just trying to hold a conversation with her.

Afterwards she began to call me arrogant, mocking my intelligence, bringing up old things from the past to justify her arguments and perceptions. She then told me that i annoy her and that she "cannot do this anymore" then told me do i want the money back i sent her for Christmas. This went on with her mentioning that i we cannot be friends anymore, that doesn't like who she is towards me and that she's not normally like how she's being towards me.. When she told me bye i told her to stop this and afterwards she told me to leave her alone again.. after just two days of talking again. One of the last messages she sent was that she doesn't want to be close friends and i honestly don't know what that means.. Does she still want to be friends but not close friends? After that i noticed that she kicked me from one of the groups she made on an app for her art which i praised, but she has not blocked me on the messaging app.. she hasn't blocked me anywhere actually.

The experience was so emotionally overwhelming because we both were getting along fine up until i mentioned something about her smoking habits. We were not perfect but we talked almost every day, and now she's always telling me to leave her alone... it kills me inside. I cared for her so much, and was always there for her, giving her unconditional love and financial support for over a year. I was there to help her when nobody else was. I financially and lovingly supported her when she was living at her parent's house because her lease was up at a living facility for mentally ill patients until she could find a place to rent enough that her welfare could afford because she cannot keep a job.

Crying and emotional pain are normal nowadays... where did i go wrong?

[CreatureVoidOfFo]

Hey everyone. I am new here. I didn't know where to post this because i didn't see any boards pertaining to friends, so i hope this place is alright.. Anyway, I want to tell you all that i am descriptive with my writing, and i may over share because i really care and want to get down to details.

So, i will write what happened--

About over a month ago my BPD best friend told me that she was having coughing fits, and i told that i hope she's going to feel better. Then, a few days later, on the day that we were supposed to hang out she tells me that she had to cancel plans because she ended up in the hospital from coughing so much. I felt really worried for her and asked her what happened... she told me she ended up in the hospital because of her smoking so much those past few days.

It was at that moment that i fell into a state of irrationality, and i stupidly started telling her that she needed to start to quit smoking.. I say irrational because, well, i am sure you all know that BPD sufferers don't like advice... Anyway, after that she says that i didn't and never believed her (something i don't have any recollections of ever saying) and that she needed to stay smoking because she would go back to cutting, and then proceeded to send a picture of the scars on her wrist from months ago (this was all done over a messaging app fyi. She's an internet friend.), and just started to try to cause a fight with me, all because i cared about her condition and wanted to try to show her that i cared, hopefully to convince her to stop smoking... She kept nitpicking at every little thing i said afterwards.. She then told me that she was going to bed and then i kept bringing things up, but then she kept going at it as well, and i somehow violated her trust or something because she then said she was going to block me if i don't stop..

A couple days later she hanged out with me because it was my birthday, and all seemed fine.. that was until i mentioned that does she forgive me for how i acted and she said "i'll think about it" and that she does not have the patience to discuss it with me at that moment. I was left cold. I didn't know how to perceive that line. I just cared for her, why would she be this way; why would she not forgive me for being irrational one day.. People make mistakes.

A few days afterwards she began going cold on me by not replying to any of my messages. Then one day she replies and starts nitpicking at everything i say... literally everything i said had some negative connotation somehow, and i was somehow being seen as someone who didn't know what they were talking about with every little thing i said. She kept this up until she blew up at me, told me to leave her alone, and then made another conclusive statement about how she's going to end the friendship. She then said she needed time away from me and that i needed to work on the flaws she pointed out and was the cause for the arguments, and that lasted all the way up until Christmas where we exchanged some gift ideas that i wanted to possibly give her.

After that we didn't talk until New Years where i wished her a happy New Years. I mentioned to her during that time that if we could possibly talk on the phone and she no that she's doing xtc with her friends. Another period of time passed where we didn't talk, and in the time frame between that day i told her that i missed her and that i was feeling depressed from all of this... a few hours later she responded to me that i needed to stop and leave her alone and that because it makes her feel guilty and that i should keep it to myself and work on my own stuff.

A couple days later she finally told me hello and we began talking again, and the first thing she pointed out was me mentioning that i missed her and felt deoressed.. she told me that wasn't healthy, and that she was taken very aback by my reaction.. Then came the conversations, or attempts at it, and with them came lots of nitpicking where seemingly everything i said was having negative connotations attached to them. Then she proceeded to tell me that i haven't been working on myself nor changed even though i have been working on the flaws she has pointed out to me before. It felt like i was walking on eggshells the whole time just trying to hold a conversation with her.

Afterwards she began to call me arrogant, mocking my intelligence, bringing up old things from the past to justify her arguments and perceptions. She then told me that i annoy her and that she "cannot do this anymore" then told me do i want the money back i sent her for Christmas. This went on with her mentioning that i we cannot be friends anymore, that doesn't like who she is towards me and that she's not normally like how she's being towards me.. When she told me bye i told her to stop this and afterwards she told me to leave her alone again.. after just two days of talking again. One of the last messages she sent was that she doesn't want to be close friends and i honestly don't know what that means.. Does she still want to be friends but not close friends? After that i noticed that she kicked me from one of the groups she made on an app for her art which i praised, but she has not blocked me on the messaging app.. she hasn't blocked me anywhere actually.

The experience was so emotionally overwhelming because we both were getting along fine up until i mentioned something about her smoking habits. We were not perfect but we talked almost every day, and now she's always telling me to leave her alone... it kills me inside. I cared for her so much, and was always there for her, giving her unconditional love and financial support for over a year. I was there to help her when nobody else was. I financially and lovingly supported her when she was living at her parent's house because her lease was up at a living facility for mentally ill patients until she could find a place to rent enough that her welfare could afford because she cannot keep a job.

Crying and emotional pain are normal nowadays... where did i go wrong?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

You care about a very emotionally difficult person. That you’ve supported her financially and with your friendship is commendable. She may not be willing or able to participate in a friendship the way you’ve hoped.