Adult daughter with BPD

[Cloe]

Hi.
I’ve been living with my 45 year old daughter all her life.  She was diagnosed with BPD 20 plus years ago by a therapist.
She had a psychotic break at 24 and was hospitalized for almost a month with follow up treatment with a psychiatrist.

 After a lot of false starts she got her act and life back together. 
Then 4 years ago she had another break and quit her two jobs. Both employers saw she wasn’t doing well and tried to help her. She walked out saying there was nothing wrong with her. They were the problem.
Since then she’s alienated her siblings and her friends. Has no job, no friends,  no money (in debt) no car,  no phone and no life.
She currently lives in her childhood bedroom, that’s a hoarding nightmare.  She disrupts the household every day with her opinions, messy ways and carelessness, smoking pot and over eating.

The police have been involved and she has been told to leave when out bursts are have become too irrational.

Right now my only options are letting stay here or  living on the streets.
 I feel so trapped and really don’t know where to go from here

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hi Cloe.  Let me welcome you here.

Quite a story you have to tell.  So, so sorry life is playing out in this way for you...and for your daughter.

You have been in this battle for a long time and now I am sure you feel you are between a rock and a hard place...do you let your daughter continue to live with you under her rules?...or do you put her out on the street?  No mother should have to make that kind of decision.  In the long run though, it will be your decision alone to make.

Meanwhile, you have found this supportive community.  That is a start.  You have the opportunity to continue to tell your story and know you are being heard...being validated.  That got me started on my healing process (a work-in-progress, by the way).

For sure what is happening in your house is not acceptable.   You write..."After a lot of false starts she got her act and life back together."  So history shows she is capable of making better choices...but she chooses not to do so now.  Out of motherly-love you have more than likely enabled her to continue in this way.   I'm a Mom, I understand.

When the police were involved was she ever told to leave and, if so, where did she go?

You mentioned that 4 years ago she "had another break."  Was there any intervention at that time...counselling, psychiatriaty?   Have you ever had the opportunity to seek counselling for yourself?  (I have at times and it has been so helpful.)  Do you have any family support?

I am sure that you feel trapped but the fact is, you are not.  You do have the ability to make choices...albeit difficult ones.  It was a difficult one when you called the police on her...so, so hard for a mother to do!

I so hope you stay active on this forum.  Start reading what is offered.  Work on empowering yourself to start change...and the change has to start with YOU.  Even if you think your daughter hasn't got a life, you do and you owe it to yourself to make it the best it can be.

((HUGS) from one Mom to another.

Huat