I’m new

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Hello. I am new to the group. My partner exhibits BPD behaviors and I am looking for non-judgmental support while I work to improve my communication and coping skills. The description looks like I might be in the right place.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Aby]

Hi. I’m in the same situation as you. Does your partner leave and come back? My partner keeps leaving me and then comes back.

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Wow, leaving and coming back is hard. So far I’ve only received threats or orders for me to leave that get rescinded a day or two later. Mine alternates between wanting attention and pushing me away hard, labels my behaviors feelings and intentions, is scared of abandonment, engages in self harm, uses self harm as a manipulation tool, uses mental illness as a manipulation tool, has suicidal ideation, uses suicidal ideation as a manipulation tool, has threatened suicide, does things simply to get a reaction out of me, is verbally and emotionally abusive and uses violence (smashing things) as a means of intimidation. That’s the short list. There’s more. If not in a mood, my partner is very affectionate and supportive of all of my goals. My partner is also a fantastic and emotionally available parent to our two children and is successful in career. I never know which version I’m likely to get. I spend a lot of time confused about how we ended up fighting about whatever it is we’re currently fighting about and trying really hard not to be defensive.

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I forgot I also spend a lot of energy trying to remember the actual order of events because the version my partner offers is usually rearranged so that my reaction is somehow the cause of some behavior I was reacting to.